Conor had made plans with Phil and Ashley to meet later that morning for a hike in the Mohonk Preserve at Bonticou Crag.

Ashley and Phil, seniors in high school, were separately close friends with Kai and Conor. They weren’t a couple, but Ash and Phil had both grown up in New Paltz and knew each other well. They all met at the Bonticou Crag trailhead. The Crag was an outcropping of white Shawangunk conglomerate rock that makes its cliffs and boulders stand out.

Throughout the "Gunks," the Crag has one of the coolest bouldering fields to climb, and at the top offers a magnificent view of the Catskill Mountain range. Mostly, it’s an easy hike that Conor thought would get his crew warmed up. Conor had hiked the Crag trails many times, yet had never gone inside the Crag. That was their ultimate destination today.

Phil had volunteered to bring flashlights for the cave part of the hike. It was a bit disappointing. He had a small flashlight from his Boy Scout days, more a toy than anything. There was also a large, sealed beam spotlight set atop a clunky battery compartment with a separate red light attached to the back of it that blinked every few seconds. It was large and awkward, not ideal for climbing in tight spaces. Phil noticed Conor wasn’t impressed, and showed him two candles and a book of matches, hoping that would make up for it.

With Phil’s sketchy lighting, Conor wasn’t sure about their spelunking adventure. Whether they did it or not, hiking the Crag alone would still be fun. All four set off on the trail to the top of the Crag. Except for the huge spotlight, everything fit into their pockets. Knowing they’d all need two hands for the boulder field, Conor volunteered to carry the larger light.

As bouldering goes, for Conor, it was a pretty easy ascent. For the rest, climbing straight up a jumble of boulders the size of small cars seemed a little daunting. Fortunately, all except Ashley were excellent athletes, which turned out to be a bonus for Phil. He got a chance to play “knight in shining armor,” helping Ash up and over some of the more difficult spots.

Once they got the hang of it, they found pulling themselves up by their arms, and scaling steep boulders exposed to large drops was pretty thrilling. When they reached the top, the view on this clear day was stunning. The Catskill range seemed close enough to reach out and touch.

After resting, Conor led them down the back trail of the Crag toward the cave entrance. The boulder trail leading down had a red painted line every ten feet to mark the trail. When the marks came to the cave, the last one had an arrow pointing down into the dark.

Conor explained that it wasn’t what most people thought of when thinking of caves. You couldn’t walk around like in a cavern. Instead, it was more like someone had tossed a Jenga game into a shoebox and they’d climb through the gaps and openings that were created where the Jenga pieces settled. He said there’d be some tight squeezes, and at the end, they’d pop out into bright sunshine. He asked if anyone was claustrophobic or didn’t want to go, and they all looked eager.

Conor was a bit uneasy with the lighting, still, the spotlight would shine a light on everything. He put it out of his mind. The plan was to have Conor lead the way with the two women following and Phil bringing up the rear.

“I guess you big strong boys are going to protect us, little girls, from the mean cave monsters,” Kai said with a whiny sarcastic edge.

“Not at all,” Conor said laughing. “The monsters are mostly friendly, but a cornered fox or coyote might not be very welcoming.”

Kai wasn’t sure if he was teasing and decided not to take any chances and chose to stay close to Conor anyway.

Conor asked Phil to carry the bright spotlight in the rear so it would shine on the group ahead. He’d use the small Boy Scout light to find the red markers. The candles and matches would remain in Phil’s pocket and hopefully stay there.

The going was tougher than Conor imagined, and the trail markers were hard to see. After about thirty minutes of weaving through tight spaces and crawling over and between boulders, Conor figured they were about halfway.

A few minutes later, all at once they heard a loud thud, the sound of glass breaking, Phil saying “crap,” and the cave going dark. The only light left came from the small Boy Scout light.

“Phil?” Conor asked.

“Yeah, I don’t think there’s that much blood. I bashed my head on what I think was the roof of the cave.”

“…and the light?” Conor, Ashley, and Kai asked in unison.

“Yeah, about that guys, I think it’s out of commission,” Phil replied.

Conor shined the light at Phil’s forehead and saw a red bruise, and fortunately no blood.

“O.K., not good, still not the end of the world either. We still have old Boy Scout light here. Let’s keep moving,” Conor said with false confidence.

Inside, he was freaking out. He hadn’t seen a red marker in a while and had no idea where the trail was. All the boulders ahead seemed to lead to nowhere. He also noticed that the little green Scout light was pretty dim and seemed to be getting dimmer by the minute. Clearly, no one had changed the batteries in a long time.

He chose a path and started moving, and after a few yards was relieved to spot a red marker ahead. When he squeezed up to it, his heart bounced an extra beat. The arrow on the red marker was pointing in the opposite direction!

At first, he was confused, but then he realized it was a mark for someone who started at the other end of the cave. It was pointing in the direction they all had just come from. It meant they had definitely gone past the halfway point. The other opening had to be ahead, and it gave Conor a boost of confidence.

After another minute, he felt someone tugging on his shirt from behind.

“Conor, should I be getting a little worried here?” Kai asked in a whisper. “Your light is barely on, and it’s getting very dark.”

“No problem whatsoever Kai, we can fix that,” Conor replied. “Phil, can you squeeze by Ash and bring the candles and matches up here?”

All four crammed into a circle of sorts. Conor shone what was left of the scout light on Phi’s hands as he handed over a candle. It wasn’t very noticeable, yet there was a draft that drifted through the cave at various points. Conor held the candle while Phil lit the match. When he lit the first one, a slight breeze blew it out. It took three chances and eventually, a candle wick caught fire. After being in the dark, the light from the candle lifted everyone’s spirits.

“Everything will be all right guys; we’ve got to be close to the other side by now,” Conor said, not sure if he was lying or not.

With the candlelight, they inspected the broken spotlight, and it was beyond repair. Phil noticed the switch for the back red light and turned it on. Every three seconds it blinked, casting a red glow throughout the cave. It was kind of eerie, yet no one asked him to turn it off. It didn’t help that right then the boy scout light finally gave out.

With a candle and red light blinking they started off once again. Conor was worried. He hadn’t seen a red arrow for a long time, and his heart skipped a beat with every blink of red. Making matters worse, the candle blew out every few yards.

After another twenty minutes, the candle went out and there were no more matches left. It was pitch black except for a blink of red every three seconds. Ashley started to cry. Phil was as freaked out as she was, and put his arm around her hoping it would calm them both.

Conor leaned close and whispered into Kai’s ear, “There’s no way we’re going to be stuck in here, I promise I’ll get you out.”

She gave his hand a tight squeeze, and her confidence in him gave a jolt of adrenaline. He told everyone to chart a path every time the red light blinked and start moving toward the sound of his voice. Conor held Kai’s hand to keep her close and started telling a story he recalled from Scheherazade’s Arabian Nights. This kept him talking and took their minds off the panic creeping in.

After slow going for another twenty minutes, Conor ended another story about Scheherazade’s escape from impending death and asked Phil if he’d switch off the red light. They sat in darkness for a few seconds.

Conor, still holding Kai’s hand, asked her, “Do you see what I see?”

“You mean that tiny speck of light?” she asked.

“Exactly. That’s not as far as you think. It’s only small because it’s being blocked by the boulders in front of us,” Conor explained.

Looking in the direction of the natural light, he asked, “Phil can you please flick on the red blinker again?”

With the blinking red light, Conor could see a new path, and like an archer eyeing the bullseye he began moving toward it with purpose. Within five minutes, he brought them to a window that looked out into a blue sky. It wasn’t the tunnel exit, still, it looked like Kai or Ashley might be small enough to fit through it.

Conor wrapped his arms around Kai’s waist and lifted her up toward the opening. She stuck her head through it, looked around and Conor lowered her back in. She said she thought it came out at the bottom of the boulder field. She angled her head with her shoulder and easily squeezed out up to her waist. Conor pushed on her bottom, and then the soles of her sneakers to boost her up and out of the cave. They all heard a huge loud whooping and yelling from Kai that made the rest still inside laugh with excitement.

Next came Ashley, who was much smaller than Kai. Conor lifted her up and she crawled out with barely any help whatsoever. Glancing out the hole, Conor saw her hugging Kai with tears of relief and happiness streaming down her face.

Conor saw Phil lit up for a second in red and said, “You should give it a go, you never know, you might fit.”

“There’s no way I’m NOT fitting through that hole Conor!”

Phil wasn’t a huge guy, though he did have pretty broad shoulders. He positioned himself with his head leaning with his ear touching his shoulder, making his head, shoulders, and arms like a spear. Conor lifted him up by the waist and he barely fit scratching his exposed ear pretty badly on the rock as he scraped through. Once there, with his small waist, he was able to lift himself out with his strong arms into the bright sunshine.

That left Conor alone in the cave.

Kai stuck her head into the hole.

“Conor, there’s no freaking way I’m leaving you in this cave. Now get your butt out of there.”

Using Phil’s method, Conor figured he could get his head and shoulders through the hole. As a soccer player, his waist and legs would be the challenge, not the upper body. He knew one thing though, if he got through that far, he’d scrape an inch of skin off if that’s what was needed to make it out.

It took some doing with no one below to lift him up. Phil grabbed his first hand through and pulled with all his might. Conor slowly made it to his waist. Twisting and tilting from side to side, and with Kai and Phil pulling on his arms, Conor finally popped out of the hole like a cork from a shaken bottle of champagne.

Kai kissed him fiercely and was joined by all the spelunkers in a foursome hug. Standing in their tight circle, Ashley looked up at Conor with wet eyes, and speaking for all of them said,

“You are fearless Conor. We’d all still be in there if it weren’t for you, and your calm storytelling was what we needed. I love you for it.” She gave him a hug and kissed his cheek.

Then half laughing and half serious Ash made fists with both hands and began pounding him on the chest.

“If you ever, ever, ever take me into a cave again, any cave, I’ll beat the living crap out of you!”

 

Mysterious Lust

October 1, 1978, Sunday Night, New Paltz, NY

Conor walked into Friendly’s to catch Kai on her break. She’d been on the go since their predawn hike up on the Gunk cliffs and then the cave misadventure at the Crag. It was already a long day and then being called in to work at the restaurant unexpectedly, he thought he’d check on her to see how she was doing, and maybe get some free ice cream.

Fortunately for Kai, it was a slow Sunday night with only two tables seated. She was taking a break sitting in a booth toward the back of the restaurant. She wore her light blue server’s uniform, making her look more mature, like ten years older. Her face was shiny with a sheen of perspiration that mixed with the fryer oil billowing around the restaurant. There were limp wisps of hair hanging down the side of her face, adding to her frazzled appearance.

Sitting across from her in the booth with his back to the rest of the dining room, sat a big guy with a baseball hat on. Conor couldn’t see who it was, and he stayed by the front counter not wanting to interrupt things. He didn’t have long to wait. The big guy stood up, appeared to say something that made Kai laugh and turned to leave the restaurant.

When he got to the front counter area he nodded in his direction, muttered “Conor,” and walked out the door.

Conor held a shocked open-jaw, wide-eyed expression while walking down the aisle to Kai’s booth and sat in the spot recently vacated.

Kai smiled at Conor and reached across the table putting her hand in his. He still held a “what was that all about” look on his face shocked that QB1 was visiting his girlfriend.

With a twinkle in her eye, she said, “I asked Aaron to meet me here during my break.”

Conor shrugged his shoulders while raising his eyebrows in a mystified and incredulous manner, silently imploring her to tell him why.

Still smiling she said, “Calm down, what happened in the gym with Aaron has been bothering me. I wanted to apologize for what I said to him.”

In just two minutes, an avalanche of competing emotions had coursed through Conor. Shock, jealousy, anger, love, awe, and confusion were some of them. Staring into Kai’s eyes, confusion quickly gave way to amazement.

“You had nothing to apologize for, he is a jerk and was way out of line!” Conor blurted out.

“He certainly was a dick,” Kai agreed, “though what I said to him was pretty harsh too. Talking with him just now, I found out it also hit home. He felt what I said had a lot of truth to it and it’s been eating away at him.”

“Why, because he can’t seem to throw a football anymore?”

“I’m not sure, but he wouldn’t let me apologize. He meant it. He said that what he did to me was junior high stuff, and he knows that he has to grow up.”

“He’s right!”

“Conor, he must have said he was sorry about five times. I thought he was going to cry,” Kai added.

“Things must have changed pretty quickly after his confession. I saw him make you laugh before he left.”

“Oh that, he heard about us and said if you get to see me in a bathing suit, you’ll probably score five goals in a game.”

“O.K., he may be on to something there…”

∞

It was after midnight when Kai finished her waitressing side work and was able to clock out at Friendly’s. On the go an hour before sunrise that morning, she was beyond exhausted. After stopping by, Conor had gone home and besides the night manager and the janitor, the restaurant was empty.

Kai waved goodnight and went to the back of the restaurant to get her jacket and stow her apron in her locker. Entering the locker area, there was a wet spot on the floor and not seeing it, she skidded and slipped to the floor. Surprised that she fell, she slid over to the tiled wall, leaning her back against it while still sitting on the floor. She felt the exhaustion seep in and slowly opened and closed her eyes a few times.

When she regained her wits, she found herself in the backseat of a strange car with her pantyhose and panties dangling from her ankles. Her server’s uniform was unbuttoned, and her breasts were pulled out of her bra in full view.

She felt for any injuries or signs of a struggle, but there were none. She felt energized and glowed deeply inside with a sense of pleasure. She reached down and pulled her panties up to her waist and felt a wet warmth between her legs. Kai tucked her breasts back into her bra and refastened her uniform. She pulled her pantyhose off and stuffed them into her purse as the car door opened.

Aaron the quarterback hopped in next to her on the back seat.

“That was amazing! I have to say when you spotted me in the Friendly’s parking lot, the last thing I expected was for you to walk over and French kiss me,” Aaron crowed.

Kai sat next to him stunned. Aaron was amped up from what he had just experienced.

“Hell, after working all night, I was surprised at how energized you were. It was like you’d just woken up. When you reached between my legs while kissing me, I almost jumped out of my pants right there!”

She couldn’t believe what she had heard from him. It was hard to imagine, but it was clear that Aaron wasn’t making it all up either.

“You were like a wild animal once we drove over here and parked. I’ve never had it like that before. That’s what they call pure lust, and it was out of this world.”

Kai was freaking out inside. She was madly in love with Conor, how could she have done this? The thing is it made her feel incredible inside, which scared her even more. She had to think fast.

“What made this a bit weird is that I know you’re seeing Conor, and it didn’t look earlier tonight like you two were on the outs. Also, when I called your name as you bounced on top of me, you kept saying your name wasn’t Kai. What gives? Is this a cover, do you do this with other guys too?” Aaron asked.

There was a pregnant pause while Kai organized her thoughts on how to get out of this with her life intact.

“Listen, Aaron, there’s been a huge mistake. I’ve never done anything like this before in my life. I’m not just seeing Conor, I’m madly in love with him.”

“Then you must have really liked my apology earlier, huh?” Aaron joked.

“Listen carefully. Just before walking out of Friendly’s, I slipped on a wet floor and bashed my head on the floor,” she lied. “When I came to, I walked out, saw you and fully concussed thought you were Conor. I was totally out of it and figured a strong dose of sex would flood my brain with dopamine and oxytocin helping me snap out of it.”

“Oxy what, dopa who, what are you talking about? Am I the dope here?”

Obviously, Aaron hadn’t paid attention in biology class.

“Aaron, you have to forget everything that just happened here. Until five minutes ago I had no idea where I was. I didn’t know I was even in your car until you just opened the door and got in.”

“No way, how can I forget the best sex of my life!”

“You’re young, this moment will be surpassed ten times over in a few years. Hell, the back seat of a car wouldn’t even make my top 10 with Conor.”

“Kai you’re incredible, but does this mean that you and I…”

“There is no ‘you and I’ Aaron,” Kai interrupted. “Not only do you have to forget this, you can’t tell anyone. Ashley told me you’re screwing that hot cheerleader. What’s her name?”

“Veronica”

“Exactly, Ronnie. You don’t want that to end, do you? This will never happen again between us – and I mean never, ever. So if Ronnie finds out, and if you tell anyone you know she will, your regular sex with Ronnie will disappear.”

“You really thought I was Conor?”

“Absolutely,” and to build his ego she added, “although you’re much bigger,” she lied again with a wink.

“I am? That’s awesome. I am bigger, aren’t I? All right, I guess this will be an amazing one-off. Something to brag to the guys twenty years from now about the good old high school days.”

“No, not even then Aaron. I’m serious.”

“O.K., I do want to continue to bop Ronnie even though she is not as hot as you. We’ll keep this a secret between us,” Aaron agreed.

Kai had Aaron drop her off at home, and she walked around to her back patio and plopped down in a lawn chair. She was wiped out and exhausted. There was a feeling of dread deep within her. She knew very well that she didn’t hit her head when she slipped. There was no bruise and the only pain she felt was the same deep on again off again migraine she was having from time to time.

How the hell could she have been compelled to have sex with Aaron? He was a pampered Prima donna football jock. Not anyone she was attracted to, ever. You’d think with all the sex she had with Conor since Friday night; she wouldn’t be looking to get it anywhere else. None of this made any sense.

She sat there and wondered what Conor would say if she told him what happened. They loved each other so much that it would be beyond betrayal. She could never tell him and hope to God that Aaron kept his mouth shut. Hopefully, he and Ronnie would stay together throughout the rest of the school year, and he wouldn’t say anything.

Worse, what did having sex with Aaron say about her, especially since she seemed to have enjoyed the hell out of it? Her heart soared when she thought of Conor. She never loved anyone like she loved him. The anxiety of it all seeped into her unconscious mind. She woke up a few hours later still sitting in the lawn chair, freezing and covered in dew.

She trudged inside to catch whatever sleep was left until it was time for school, hopeful that it was all just a bad dream.

Pommes for Breakfast

October 9, 1978, Monday, New Paltz, NY

 

“Conor, it’s 6:30 AM, what are you doing here?”

Kai was awake long enough to be ready for school, yet no one besides her sister had ever disturbed her morning routine on a school day. Ever since last week’s late-night episode with QB1, she was a bit gun-shy about seeing anyone first thing in the morning. Especially Conor. She’d said goodnight to him only a few hours before, and after getting over the surprise of seeing him, she smiled and palmed his cheek.

“Good morning, Pele.”

“Kai, wouldn’t it be great to wake up every day in the same bed? We could meet the day together, make coffee, and plan the day’s adventures. Wouldn’t that be incredible?”

“I know, I get it, but we’re still in High School, live at home, and there are rules,” Kai countered.

“Yeah that’s true, but we’ll both be 18 in a few months and I vote to change the rules,” Conor said. “Until then, on occasion, I might wake you up and have something special for you to do.”

“Like today,” Kai asked.

“Oui princesse, je le fais.”

Kai smiled, she loved that he embraced her love of French, even though his accent wasn’t particularly good.

“That’s awesome! D’accord, est ce special?”

“What’s special? I’m glad you asked. Pommes pour le petit déjeuner,” Conor replied.

“A morning apple. You remembered Conor!”

A fresh apple picked off a tree with the dew still dripping off it had been one of his favorite things shared with her when they first started as a couple.

Kai jumped into his arms. “Do you think we’ll find a crisp one?”

“Oui, tres probable,” Conor replied.

“Cool, allons-y, let’s go!”

Conor took Kai to an apple orchard up a path off of Rt 208. It had rolling hills that dipped deeply into ravines that with the right conditions delivered a natural echo. It was far off the road in a secluded spot and there would be no one to bother them. It was still early and the cool fruit on the apple trees were dripping from the morning dew left by the colder evening that had only recently receded.

The long grass in the orchard was wet with dew as well. To keep Kai’s feet dry, Conor had borrowed a pair of his mom's wellies or rain boots. Luckily, they fit. He had also scouted out the best part of the orchard a few days earlier and led her to a tree that had beautiful deep red apples.

The sun had been up for just a short while and was cascading through the trees. The long morning rays gave everything a soft-edged filter. The long grass and leaves on the trees provided a deep green backdrop for the apples whose ripe red colors popped throughout the orchard.

Kai reached up and plucked an apple off the tree. She rubbed it against her sweater to clean it and held it up to Conor with a look of amused expectation on her smiling face. They both stopped moving and stood still, and Kai waited for total silence.

She took a bite out of the apple, it was very crisp and made a crunching sound as she bit into it. Sure enough, the sound of her bite echoed out and above where they stood. Juices ran down her chin as she smiled wickedly and was completely tuned in to how amazing life could be. More importantly, how this man, Conor Walsh, was introducing and changing the way she experienced it. She high-fived him, and the sound of their slap echoed loudly throughout the orchard. They giggled, and their giggles echoed too.

“Everything echoes from here!” Kai said while laughing.

“Well, yes, it’s cool though right?” Conor asked.

Kai replied, “Conor, you’re beyond amazing!”

She jumped up and wrapped her legs around Conor’s lower back, with her arms around his neck and shoulders, she began romantically kissing him deeply on his mouth. While perched on his upper body, she began rubbing her breasts back and forth against his sweatshirt.

Kai had a short skirt on and whispered in Conor’s ear, “I’m not wearing panties.”

Conor pulled his head back as she held on to his upper body to look her in the eye, and she gave him a “why not” smirk.

He whispered back into her ear, “Who are you? You must be an alien from the planet “Perfect.”

Conor reached down, released the latch on his pants, and wiggled his jeans to his ankles while Kai slipped down on him. Too wet to lay down in the grass, they made love standing beneath the apple tree. Kai frenched kissed him throughout and they both put an exclamation point on the experience of a crisp apple bite echoing in an orchard on a cool morning.

They were late getting to school that day. The typically stern assistant principal couldn’t help noticing their flushed faces and how wonderful they looked with each other. She didn’t bother asking why they were late. She checked them in, stamped their hall pass, and sent them on their way reminiscing to herself about her own first love.

 

Challenging Therapy

October 20, 1978, Saturday, New Paltz, NY

 

“I need you to drive me somewhere.”

“O.K., where to?”

“Great, I’ll tell you on the way, it’s up on Mountain Rest Road. Allons-y!”

Kai explained about seeing a therapist as part of her parent’s divorce settlement, and how she has sessions twice a month. This didn’t seem unusual to Conor as he had several friends over the years see a shrink for therapy.

“You’ll have to wait in the car for me. It lasts about an hour, sometimes less,” Kai said.

“Will you talk about us?” Conor asked.

“I don’t know, probably. Don’t worry, she usually asks about what’s bothering me. Since you came along I’ve never been happier.”

Conor smiled, reached over, and their fingers intertwined as they drove out of town.

They pulled up in front of a large contemporary with huge glass walls on the south end of the house. The lot was mostly all trees with a small yard out front, and what looked like a ten-year-old Mercedes sedan sitting in the driveway.

“I’ll be back before you know it,” Kai said, and she kissed him and hopped out.

“What’s new Kai?” her therapist asked.

“Well, a lot actually. I’ve fallen in love.”

“What? Tell me about it.”

“His name is Conor, he is beautiful, incredibly fit, kind, thoughtful, smart with a sharp wit and a great sense of humor. I can’t seem to get enough of him,” Kai said.

“Is he older than you?”

“Nope, no daddy issues here, we’re less than a month apart in age. I’ve known him for a long while and never thought of him as a boyfriend until this year. Actually, I never thought about having a boyfriend until this year,” Kai replied.

“I’m happy for you Kai, you deserve someone who cares for you. Your maturity certainly seems to have evolved, and you seem more confident with your interactions and appearance. Do you think this has enhanced your interest and attraction from the opposite sex?

“I suppose, I haven’t thought about it. I guess before I wasn’t that noticeable and was more of a tomboy. No one paid attention to me as a girlfriend.” Kai explained.

“Conor noticed you because of your physical changes. Is that it?”

“He’s not only interested in my larger boobs and longer legs; we spend hours talking about all sorts of things,” Kai said.

“Does he know you love him?”

“He does.”

“Has Conor told you he loves you?”

Kai, rolled her eyes and said, “How about we stop the over-analysis routine, O.K.? Conor and I have spent virtually all our waking moments outside of school together. We’re both madly in love. When we’re not together we both feel empty inside. We make love at least twice a day, and on the weekends we sometimes lose count.”

“What about protection?”

“I’m on the pill. Before you question my sex life, we know we’re young, but still, we approach things very adult-like. It’s hard to explain without tons of examples. What I’m experiencing though seems quite different than the relationships my girlfriends are having.”

“O.K., I’m sorry, I meant nothing by it Kai. I know you’ve had to grow up faster than almost anyone your age. Can you tell me more about Conor?” the therapist asked.

“He’s more concerned with my feelings than his own and delights in showing me things and sharing experiences that are new to me. He is the star soccer player, and when he’s not playing is humble and considerate. He is open-minded to all types, curious, and sees the good in everyone. I think inside he has self-doubts and hides them behind a mask of irony and wit. He is incredibly handsome, sexy, and I’m infatuated with him,” Kai responded.

“Conor sounds dreamy Kai and seems you’re both approaching your relationship maturely. No judging here, I’m curious, are you the one initiating most of your sexual encounters?”

This question disrupted the back-and-forth banter and threw Kai for a loop. All she could think about was her encounter with Aaron the quarterback. She tried to maintain a nonchalance about the topic. Even though it was something she should discuss, it was too deep and embarrassing for her to talk about. She told herself she’d bring it up at a later session and tried to move the discussion along.

“Uh, I haven’t thought about it. It doesn’t seem like either of us is more into it than the other. I did show him a copy of Kama Sutra I had bought in Paris last summer, and we’ve used it quite a bit,” Kai said.

“I’d say that’s initiating things, Kai. It’s also pretty adult of you if you’re using Kama to open your communication about sex,” the therapist said.

“We are, we’ve studied it together and talk about what we like and don’t like,”

Kai paused in thought, knowing that she couldn’t let things go by without setting the stage for a later discussion about sexual tendencies.

“Humph, now that you got me thinking about it, I probably do start most of our lovemaking. It’s not like Conor is passive, far from it. He’s more apt to set up our opportunities, and I’m the one who usually instigates things. He’s an eager participant, I assure you,” Kai added.

“As a thought, try tracking who’s initiating, and next time we can talk more about it. What does your father think of Conor?”

“My father? Let me put it this way, I’ve said more to you in the last five minutes than to my dad in the last five weeks. He leaves me on my own and doesn’t talk to me. He takes no interest in anything I do, and to be honest, I’m perfectly fine with it. To answer your question, he doesn’t know that I exist let alone Conor,” Kai replied.

“Hmmm, I’m sorry to hear that, at some point, you need to tell him. Have you spoken or written to your Mom about him? I think your time with her in France may have paved the way for Conor to happen. I bet she would love to hear about him,” the therapist said.

“Yes, you’re right, she’d love to hear. I’ve been meaning to write her, and I will make this a priority.”

“O.K. let’s shift gears. I want you to think about any memory lapses you’ve experienced lately. Has there been a time when you were supposed to do something, and you had no idea about it?” The therapist asked.

Kai looked at the floor deep in thought and paused the conversation. Here it was again. It seemed she couldn’t get away from her tryst with Aaron. Her face became flushed, and her therapist made quick notes on her pad as Kai looked over at her.

“Have you had any memory lapses, Kai? Don’t feel like you can’t share them. It’s not unusual to have a gap in memory,” her therapist urged her on.

Kai was tempted to share her Aaron story but didn’t feel strong enough to go there yet.

“I can’t think of anything off the top of my head,” Kai finally replied.

“Has there been anything you were surprised by or something you didn’t expect?”

“I don’t know, why are you asking me this?” Kai asked showing her agitation.

“All right. If something like this pops up, I want you to write down what happened and bring it to our next session. Can you do that Kai?”

“Sure if it does, I’ll do it,” Kai replied.

“It’s possible with the trauma from your childhood and the divorce, that your mind is blocking out memories. For example, perhaps you are interacting with your father, and your conscious mind isn’t allowing you to keep it in your memory. I’m not implying this is happening, yet it wouldn’t be unusual if it were. Does this make any sense?” the therapist asked.

“Maybe, I guess anything is possible, but I assure you I have barely seen my dad let alone speak with him, your example is way off base,” Kai answered.

“All right, I understand. Have you spent any time at Conor’s house?”

“Oh yes, we’ve christened just about every room in his house,” Kai giggled, thankful for the shift in topic.

“O.K., not what I was looking for, how about when his parents are home? Have you met them?

“They actually invited me over for dinner, this weekend,” Kai lied.

∞

“Conor, I want to meet your mom and dad. Can you invite me over for dinner?” Kai asked as she hopped back into the Fairmont.

“Uh, sure, we can do that. Um, why is that the first thing - ”

“Good, I lied directly to my shrink’s face, that we’re eating dinner with your parents this weekend. If we can make that happen, I might not burn in hell.”

As they drove back toward town, Kai got a strong headache and started massaging her temples and the back of her head. Conor saw her slowly blinking her eyes as if she were trying to clear her head. She asked him to pull off Mountain Rest Rd. onto a small cul-de-sac with a circle at the end of the lane. Two houses were being built off the circle. No work was being done that day. Worried, he turned the car off and asked if she was all right.

Kai shook her head from side to side as if she were shaking some cobwebs out. When she looked over at Conor her eyes had cleared, and she said she never felt better. Smiling she told him they shouldn’t let a great opportunity go to waste.

He looked on amused as she hopped into the far back of the station wagon. Without speaking, she lowered the back seats, making the flat area much larger. With a seductive grin, using her index finger she motioned for Conor to join her. He laughed out loud.

She stripped off her clothes and was fully naked by the time Conor climbed over. Her lovemaking was wild as if she were a hormone-raging cheetah thrust into a pack of male cats. When they were through, even though it was fairly warm and humid outside, the windows of the Fairmont were all fogged up. They both were drenched with sweat and the scent in the car was beyond musky.

“That was on another level. We may want to change the twice-a-month shrink visits to twice a week,” Conor teased.

“She kept asking me all about you, and the more I told her the more she asked and the hotter I got. I couldn’t wait to get you home.”

“Somehow, I could tell. I think the windows will start dripping from the heat we’ve created!” Conor said with a droll smile.

Kai sat up and leaned her back against the back of the front seat. She slowly closed her eyes and just as slowly reopened them. She realized that she had initiated sex in the wildest fashion, exactly what her therapist asked about. Kai wondered if it was a reaction to bottling up her story about having sex with Aaron.

This time she had a sense of what she was doing, but there seemed to be something else driving her. She wasn’t exactly in a fog, but it seemed as if she was watching the two of them go at it from outside her body. It was a bit unnerving, still she quickly shook it off. It did get her thinking about other things she and her therapist discussed.

She reached for Conor’s hand and held it to her mouth. She started kissing it several times.

“We’ve known each other for years, and I never thought you could be my boyfriend. Not because you weren’t good enough, God no! I never thought of anyone as a boyfriend.”

Conor reached up with his other hand and cranked the backseat window down. They felt an immediate breath of cooling fresh air waft into the car.

“I think it’s one of the reasons we’ve become close as fast as we have. It was the same for me. I haven’t had a girlfriend at all in high school. Hell, besides the prom, I’ve hardly been on a date at all until you,” Conor said.

“My therapist means well and can also be a nudge about things sometimes. When you first started flirting with me across the gym in preseason practice, did you do that because I had grown bigger boobs?”

Conor didn’t answer right away, and Kai jumped in.

“I sat behind you in French class all junior year and you never looked at me like you did in the gym. My shrink suggested that was the reason, and it doesn’t matter to me, I love you, I just want to know.”

Conor laughed out loud, not a small laugh it was one from the gut. Kai didn’t join him and instead had a puzzled look on her face as he laughed at something she wasn’t sure was that funny.

Half laughing, Conor said, “If I were attracted to your gorgeous body, it would be the most natural thing in the world. Every animal on earth has their form of big boobs to attract a mate. You’re into biology; you know this better than me, and the amazing savage animal sex we just had underscores it.”

Kai pursed her lips and tilted her head in mock agreement, “So it’s true, if I were still flat-chested and four feet tall we never would’ve gotten together.”

“NO Kai! Your therapist has it all wrong. When I first saw you, I didn’t even recognize who you were. You gave off such a glow of confidence as you pranced around the court, I wanted to know more. Sure, I thought you were gorgeous, from the neck up with your cool hairdo and beautiful high cheekbones. That’s all I needed to see to want to learn more about you.”

“What, my curves did nothing for you?”

“Don’t you remember, you were wearing ancient baggy sweats, and none of those curves were on display Kai,” Conor replied.

“Oh yeah that’s right, what a dummy,” Kai lied.

She didn’t recall wearing sweats at all, or where they came from. It jolted her inside since her therapist had mentioned missing memories. She started to get a queasy feeling inside but kept it to herself. She was more upset with herself for lying to him than missing a memory she didn’t care about.

Conor looked directly into her eyes.

“I love your amazing body, I do, I really do.” He placed the palm of his hand between her breasts and said, “I love what’s inside of your body much, much more.”

This time Kai kissed him with an intensity that showed she understood and felt the same.

They got dressed, put the backseat into position, and rolled all the windows down airing out the car as they drove back to town.

 

Meet the Parents

October 21, 1978, Sunday, New Paltz, NY

In front of Kai was a plate of overcooked pork chops with gravy, mashed potatoes, and boiled carrots. It was Mrs. Walsh’s “go-to” dinner when cooking for guests. Although she had raised and cooked for a family of seven, Betty Crocker's basics were about as far as she got.

As a working mom, she didn’t always get home to prepare dinner. She’d leave something with instructions for the oldest to prepare. One such meal was a recipe from Parade magazine, with hot dog slices mixed with a can of fruit cocktail and heated like soup. Her kids never let her live down that yummy dinner!

“More gravy Kai?” asked Conor’s dad, knowing from experience how it could help his wife’s cooking.

“No thanks, Mr. Walsh,” Kai replied. “Thank you for inviting me and cooking this nice meal Mrs. Walsh. You didn’t have to go to all this trouble.”

Kai and Conor were seated side by side across the dining table from Conor’s parents. There were bookcases jammed with all sizes of books along the back wall of the dining room, with a built-in doorway through the shelving that led into the living room. A large bay window dominated the opposite wall with a view west to Mohonk’s Sky Top off in the distance. It was a modest room with a lived-in feel. Kai was familiar with it, having spent several afternoons and evenings making out with Conor when his parents weren’t home.

Conor had shared with them how quickly things had progressed with Kai and how much she meant to him. Both his parents had taught and coached in high schools and had seen couples married right after graduation. They knew better than to scoff at a high school relationship as youthful puppy love. Besides, Kai was a delightful, confident girl and Conor was enamored with her.

“Conor tells us you spent last summer in Paris,” Mrs. Walsh said. “It must have been quite a trip?”

“It was. My mom is getting her sociology degree at the Sorbonne, and I was able to stay with her. She had to work most days, and I was free to explore the city. I love the culture. The French look at life differently than we do. They seem to take more time to enjoy the little things that we take for granted,” Kai explained.

“Sounds like your mom’s sociology studies may be rubbing off on you Kai,” Mr. Walsh interjected.

“Did you speak French before you went, I’ve read that Parisians are particular about that?” Mrs. Walsh asked.

“That’s true, still not everyone is born there and those who’ve moved from the French countryside are a bit more forgiving. I took French classes at New Paltz High, and the basics helped. It took a few weeks to get my footing, and by the end of the summer I was able to get around without any trouble.” Kai said.

“Is your mom going to come back to the States after she finishes her studies?” Mrs. Walsh asked.

“O.K. guys, this isn’t twenty questions, let the poor girl eat her dinner,” Conor interrupted.

“Gosh no, it’s O.K. Conor, I love talking about Paris and my mom. I doubt she’ll be back anytime soon. She’s taking grad courses now and working as a secretary at the Japanese embassy. She plans to stay in Paris as long as she can on a student visa. Grad School and working toward a Ph.D. for the next several years is probably in her future,” Kai said with a smile.

“Speaking of college, I spoke with the coach up at Ithaca this afternoon, Conor. He liked the letter you sent him and said when we go for a campus visit to line up a meeting with him.” Conor’s dad said taking a cue from Conor to move the conversation and give Kai a break.

Conor and Kai had shared their ideas about college. Kai knew he had his heart set on trying to get into Ithaca College. They had one of the best Film and TV schools in the country and less than 5% were accepted.

Both his dad and his older brother graduated from Ithaca. His brother was the first graduating class from the TV program and was currently an anchor man in Richmond, VA. These connections increased his chances, but still, there was no guarantee. Being the ex-grad, his dad had taken the initiative and promised Conor he’d take him there in the fall. As head coach of the local college basketball team, it would be impossible for him to make the trip once his season got underway.

“Uh, that’s great dad. When do you think we could go up there?” Conor asked.

“I was thinking early November, after your soccer season ends and right before my mine begins,” his dad replied.

Conor turned to Kai and asked, “Will that work for you?”

There was a pause as his parents had a puzzled look about Conor’s question to Kai.

“Uh, Conor, you first might want to talk to your parents about that, don’t you think?” Kai asked as her face turned pink with embarrassment.

Coming to her rescue, Conor’s mom said, “Kai, it’s O.K. Since a little boy, he’s always been thinking several steps ahead of where the rest of us have landed. It has a name, the ‘Conor Surprise,’ it may be still new to you, but you’ll get used to it.”

“Thanks, Mom, thanks for sharing that…”

“I could think of a hundred worse things, like singing show tunes at the top of your lungs,” his mom joked.

“…and in the morning with a hair dryer, it’s scary Kai, very scary,” Mr. Walsh teased.

“O.K., O.K., that’s enough you two.”

Kai saw where Conor’s openness and unfiltered approach came from. She figured they’d appreciate her not waiting for Conor to explain.

“When Conor mentioned his interest in Ithaca, I told him one of the schools I applied to was Cornell. I think you can guess what the Conor Surprise would be,” Kai said.

“It makes perfect sense, don’t you think? Why wouldn’t we take Kai with us to Ithaca to visit Cornell?” Conor asked.

“It’s one of five that I’m thinking about, and I’m not sure they’d even accept me,” Kai said.

“If your parents are fine with it, we’d love to have you make the trip?”

“It’s settled then, the more the merrier!” Conor’s dad replied.

∞

Kai’s visit with Conor’s parents made her think of her Mom, and as soon as she got home she pulled out her favorite stationery and began filling her in on the recent events…

11 Rue Lobineau

Paris, France

Dear Mom,

You must think I’m the worst daughter in the world to write so sparingly. In my last letter, I was starting school, and now more than a month has gone by and I’m only just writing to you. No excuse, yet to say things have been hectic is an understatement.

It was quite a culture shock transitioning from my stay with you back into high school. Your encouragement to be more independent and believe in myself has made a huge difference. I honestly believe my summer with you was a life-changing experience. I feel like I’ve left the little girl behind (well physically for sure) and have grown into an adult woman. I can’t thank you enough.

Coming back to New Paltz, my plan was to fast forward through my last year of high school and focus on visiting you next summer and beyond in the future. Most importantly, the present has intervened in a miraculous way, and I have some fantastic news.

Mom, I’ve fallen deeply in love.

Never looked for or expected it, yet the “new” me was noticed on my first day of preseason volleyball. It was someone I’d gone to school with for years and never thought he’d be interested. Come to find out, last summer he also grew quite a bit. He worked as a counselor in a sleepaway camp where his workmates were college kids from England, and he matured a lot.

His name is Conor Walsh. After a few weeks of shy flirting with each other, we got together and haven’t been apart since. He’s as crazy about me as I’m mad about him. First to know, he is gorgeous. He’s the school’s star soccer player and has an incredibly fit body (amazing stamina if you get my drift)! Next, he is deeply interested in everything about me and goes out of his way to surprise me with little things and fun experiences.

Mom, he’s kind, considerate, and curious about everything. He’s really smart and reads like one hundred books a year - for fun - and is a nut about history. He reads the NY Times keeping up with current events and tells me he wants to be a filmmaker someday.

He and his dad are taking me with them to visit Ithaca. Conor is interested in Ithaca College and they’re going to help me tour Cornell. I know, it’s not the top school on my list, still it’s creeping up there (especially if Conor is across town). The thing is Mom, what I have with Conor feels way more than a high school romance. It seems like a forever type of love. It’s hard to explain in a letter, but when we’re not together I have an ache deep inside. It’s like our souls are connected in some mystical way.

I’m not a total goner and realize it is high school. My friend Kate does her best to keep my feet on the ground, reminding me that things may look different in a few months. I love her dearly, but she tends to be overly protective of me. I guess that’s a good thing since no one else is besides Conor.

Dad has been MIA and spends all his time either at work or with his girlfriend. He makes sure there’s food in the house and that’s about it. I assure you; I’m not complaining one bit and I like the fact that I’m on my own. The room they gave me in the basement has a walk-out slider and I come and go without any interaction with him (a particularly GOOD thing). It also gives Conor and I all the privacy we need. As I’m sure you’re wondering, we sleep together (as in sex), every chance we get! Don’t worry, I’m on The Pill.

Other than all of the above, classes are pretty easy (even calculus), I was chosen Volleyball Queen at Homecoming, Conor was Soccer King, and the dance was fun. He’s taken me on hikes all through Mohonk and Minnewaska, and we even went into a cave (never again!).

You have my phone number, call if you can sometimes, I’d love to hear your voice, and please write! Do you think if he can swing it, Conor could come on my next visit to see you? I’d love for you to meet him and show him Paris. Just a thought…

I haven’t asked much about you and hope all is going great. Write back to me and tell me everything you’re doing, and how things are going with Rick (is he still in the picture?).

I love you, Mom,

Kai

 

Green with Envy

November 5, 1978, Monday, New Paltz High School

 

Please listen carefully to the following school announcements:

When the football team started the season with a few rocky wins, who could have predicted the season they’ve had? Congratulations to our 9-0 undefeated League Champions! There will be an all-school rally this Friday afternoon to celebrate this amazing achievement and to recognize Aaron and the key members of the team!

Our varsity boys soccer team also had a successful season as captain Conor Walsh and his league-leading 24 goals led the team into the playoffs against top-seed Chester. In a hard-fought game that went into overtime, Chester finally broke the deadlock for a 1-0 win. Congratulations on a great soccer season.

Finally, as the temperature dips to freezing, a reminder that smoking is not permitted in any of the school bathrooms. All smokers must use the outside smoking lounge during lunch or study hall periods only.

That is all.

∞

“How are things going with Conor? Do you two ever come up for air?” Ashley asked.

“What do you mean Ash, it’s not like I’m hanging all over him every day. Nights maybe,” Kai chuckled. “In fact, I only have one class with him and I’m here in our homeroom with you now and I don’t see him,” she replied.

“Sure, we’re in homeroom every morning for fifteen minutes Kai, and except for being trapped in a cave together, that’s the only time I’ve seen you all month,” Ashley said.

Kai looked at Ashley with a frown noticing that she was right. Seeing Ash every day, even if it was for a few minutes, she realized gave her the false impression that she had a life outside of time spent with Conor.

“Yeah, I guess you’re right Ash, for the last month, we’ve been pretty inseparable. He’s so sexy I can’t seem to keep my hands off him,” Kai admitted.

“It’s cool, the last thing I want to be is the jealous ninny who gets in the way of a good thing for her best friend. By the way, it seems like an incredibly good thing Kai. What’s the sex like?”

“Trust me, I’m not trying to get you jealous about that either, but it’s mind-blowing Ash. Seriously.”

“So, spill!”

“It all started the weekend we went on our cave hike. That Friday night we had dinner, and a movie and went back to his house. Well, we didn’t just drink a glass of wine,” Kai lidded her eyes in Ashley’s direction. “It didn’t feel like it was our first time Ash, he was gentle and masculine all at once. It was incredible, right on their living room sofa.”

“You did it with his parent’s home, on their sofa – are you nuts?” Ashley asked.

“No, no, they were out for the night, and first he gave me a full house tour and it opened my eyes to what he was really like.”

Ashley was a virgin and hearing her best friend describe the details of her lovemaking greatly raised her curiosity.

“Who cares about the house tour? What was it really like Kai, I mean, did you feel dirty doing it?”

“Oh my God, not at all. He is so thoughtful and caring, not a pushy guy at all. It felt incredibly natural and wonderful. I’ve never felt pleasure like that before. If I could have him inside of me all day I would, and some days we get close to that,” Kai smirked.

“Get out, you have sex all day?”

“Ash, the night before we met you and Phil at Bonticou Crag, I lost count of the number of orgasms I had. In fact, the next morning at sunrise we made love again on a boulder over by Minnewaska, right before we met up with you guys!” Kai exclaimed.

“Oh my God, it’s why you were so flushed when we met you at the trailhead!”

“I guess, I don’t remember much about that part of the day. I was still flying from the endorphins flooding my brain.”

They looked toward the front of the classroom as Mr. Masson took the roll. After finally telling someone what she’d been doing, Kai began wondering if she was going too far. As for Ashley, she couldn’t stop thinking about what she was missing.

“You know the therapist I see up on the mountain, she thinks I might be overdoing it,” Kai admitted.

“Yeah but, you’re young and experimenting. I bet she’s more jealous than anything,” Ashley chided.

“You may be right, Ash, but she asked me to keep track of who’s initiating our sex. I hadn’t thought about it since we’re both so into each other. Once she asked about it, I realized that it’s me one hundred percent of the time. Am I a sex fiend?”

“Kai, relax. If Conor had the chance to initiate sex with your body, I assure you he’d be all over it. My guess is you’re just beating him to it. I mean he’s pretty hot too, right?”

The bell rang for first period and as they got up to go to their next class, Ash whispered in Kai’s ear.

“I’m green with envy Kai; you know I’m a virgin and hearing you I can’t wait to get some of what you’re getting!”

She winked and smiled at Kai with a reassuring squeeze of her hand, and they headed off in different directions down the hall.

 

Parental Intruder

November 2, 1978, Friday, New Paltz, NY

Conor had his last soccer game, losing to the top seed in the playoffs in the last minute of a hard-fought game. He told Kai that some of the guys were getting together after the game to relive the season, and he’d stop by to see her afterward. Later at the pizza restaurant, Conor only a few months away from the legal drinking age, was able to buy several pitchers of beer and the guys had a blast.

∞

After the party, Conor slowly drove over to Kai’s house. He went around back and slipped into her room through the slider as usual. She wasn’t there, yet he heard the water running in the bathroom and sat on the bed to wait for her to come out.

When the door opened, a middle-aged man about his height, and several pounds heavier, walked into the room. He had a crew cut that gave him a square head, he wore rimless glasses, and a buttoned-down shirt with three pens clipped into the breast pocket. He also wore a disgusted expression on his face as he looked down at Conor sitting on Kai’s bed.

“Who the hell are you,” the man asked in a gruff manner.

Conor tried to stand up, but the man stood over him, so close that he was unable to stand without bumping into him.

“My name is Conor Walsh, sir, I stopped by to speak with Kai.”

“Do you make a habit of walking into someone’s house without knocking or ringing the doorbell? It’s a good thing I don’t own a gun.”

Thinking quickly, Conor figured this was Kai’s father, and he probably had no idea who Conor was, or that he was dating his daughter.

“No sir, I came to borrow a school book for a class project. Kai said it would be inside the slider, and I was to take it if she was unavailable. When I heard sounds in the bathroom, I thought I’d wait to let her know I came by. Is Kai at home?” Conor asked.

“It’s awfully late to be doing school work, and have you been drinking?” the man said while sniffing closer to Conor.

Right then, the bedroom door opened, and Kai breezed through it. She stopped suddenly with the scene that confronted her. The man took a step toward her allowing Conor to stand. He picked up a book near her bed.

“Hi Kai, I stopped by to borrow that book we talked about earlier. It’s late and I’m going to take off. I’ll see you tomorrow in school. Thanks a lot,” Conor blurted out as he reached for the slider.

Picking up on his line of thinking, Kai jumped in.

“Wait Conor, I need to discuss something with you before you go.” She looked at her father.

“Can I speak with you in the hall please?” she asked in a way that was more an order than a question.

Conor stood by the slider as Kai and her dad moved out of the room and closed the door. He could hear what sounded like a loud forceful discussion going on between the two. A few minutes later the door opened and both of them came back in. He noticed Kai’s hands were shaking nervously.

“Conor, I’m Kai’s father,” the man said with an expression better suited to someone who lost his car keys. He held out his hand and Conor shook it.

“I understand you two have been in a relationship for quite some time. Not aware of this I snapped at you earlier. Now that I know, it won’t happen again.”

He looked over at Kai before saying, “You’re welcome in our house.”

There was a pause, and Kai flashed an angry, stern look at him.

“…anytime,” he finished.

He glanced at Kai, and she stepped out of the way as her father walked out of the room. Kai shut the door. With her back to the room, she exhaled a long loud breath while leaning with arms extended on the closed door. Looking down at the floor, she maintained this posture while she spoke.

“I’m sorry Conor, that should never have happened. I didn’t tell him about us, not because I was hiding you from him, it’s because I don’t want anything to do with him. He’s hurt me so much that the less I have to speak with him the better. It was not fair to you.”

Conor walked up to Kai from behind and wrapped his arms around her. She turned around and put her arms around his neck and began sobbing uncontrollably. Her whole body shook with powerful emotion as the tears flowed down her face.

He’d only seen the bright light of her soul and the dark pain she was releasing showed him how fragile his confident best friend really was. The degree of her unhappiness cut him deeply, and he cried right along with her. All he could do was hold her. He felt powerless.

When she was able to slow the tears, she told him she wished she had a family like his. All she ever knew growing up were arguments, disapproval, and conflict. She told him it all stemmed from her father, and she hated him for it. His verbal abuse was like growing up in a psychological war zone. She said she planned to tolerate the situation until the school year ended and escape to a new life.

Finding a soulmate in Conor was unexpected, and complicated her plan, in a good way. She kept this thought to herself and knew it was a bridge she’d have to cross someday.

Once calm, she told Conor it was the first time her dad had been in her room, and seeing a stranger in the house surprised him. He promised he would never enter her room unless she was there and gave him permission.

He wiped away her remaining tears and deadpanned, “Well, at least we got meeting the parents out of the way.”

He knew how to make her laugh, and she chuckled while kissing him several times on his face.

New Year Surprises

December 31, 1978, Sunday, New Paltz, NY

A light snow fell as Conor walked out of the wine shop with bottles of champagne. His fake ID had been accepted for the past two years. In a few weeks, he’d turn eighteen and be a legal buyer. He laughed to himself thinking what the store would say when they viewed his real ID.

A foot of snow was expected, and with few sober drivers on New Year’s Eve, it was a good night to stay off the roads. Kai’s dad and girlfriend had gone to the City to celebrate and weren’t expected back for a few days. Her sister had an overnight pajama party, and they’d have the house to themselves. Kai told Conor to supply the champagne, and she’d supply the entertainment.

Conor was greeted at the front door of the house by Kai in a beautiful thigh-length sleeveless green cocktail dress. It was tight fitting, low cut in the front, and fit her perfectly. Her hair was up, and she wore sparkling earrings that hung down accentuating her perfect neckline. Rarely wearing make-up, tonight she didn’t hold back. She accented her eyes making them incredibly sexy. Her high cheekbones stood out with a touch of rouge, and she had a light scent of Chanel. Kai looked sensational and would have been at home on the cover of any fashion magazine.

Conor felt a bit awkward with jeans and a sweater until Kai embraced him with a seductive long kiss that put any inadequacies to bed. She put one of the champagne bottles in an ice bucket and set out two glasses. Conor thinking a night of hot sex awaited, wondered what Kai was up to when she led him to the sofa in the living room and had him sit down. She stood in front of him with an expectant expression.

“O.K., are you doing a strip tease?” Conor asked.

“And take off this amazing dress, wasting my sexy look, no way! Well at least not yet,” Kai giggled. “What do you see in the living room?”

Conor scanned the room with a confused expression looking for something out of place or missing. There didn’t seem to be anything.

“Uh, a coffee table, a lamp, wine glasses, an ice bucket, the fireplace, a TV –“

“You’re getting hotter.”

“TV? We’re going to watch a TV show?” Conor asked confused.

“Not exactly, do you notice anything about the TV?” she said with a sly smile.

Conor got up to take a closer look. The TV had several wires connected to it, and they seemed to all thread into the back of the large cabinet the TV sat on. He opened the cabinet door and saw a machine that he recognized at once.

“What the hell, this is a video cassette machine. We saw several of these at Ithaca College on our studio tour. Though this one seems a bit smaller” Conor said like a kid on Christmas morning opening his favorite gift.

“My dad bought it a few months ago and he has barely touched it. He won’t let on that he doesn’t know how to use it,” Kai said.

She handed him a package covered in wrapping paper. There was a card that said, “Surprise #1.”

“I thought you might be able to figure out how it works.”

He quickly unwrapped it, uncovering three video cassette tapes, and looked at Kai speechless. He pulled her to him, wrapped his arms around her, and said quietly overcome with excitement, “This is one of the best surprises ever, you’re incredible.”

“I wasn’t sure what to order, they had over 100 titles to choose from,” Kai said.

“Did you buy them?”

“No silly, you can rent them now,” she replied.

“If I had done the choosing Kai, I can’t imagine getting anything better. How did you know what to get, I mean these are amazing!”

“In the order catalog, each listing has a little description. Frank Capra’s “It Happened One Night” and Bogies “Casablanca,” both won the Oscar for Best Picture, and “To Catch a Thief” was the only Alfred Hitchcock movie they offered. It seemed an easy choice.”

“This is crazy. A year ago there was no way you could watch any of these movies, and tonight we’ll watch all three. I’m blown away Kai,” Conor exclaimed.

“I’ll start some popcorn while you figure out how to play the movies, first though,” she handed him a smaller package to open.

Conor gave her a look as if to say, “More?”

There was a note attached to this package too, it read, “Surprise #2 out of 3.” He opened the package to find one more movie and a toothbrush. He flashed an expectant smile.

“After all these romantic movies, there’s no way I’m letting you leave. You’re making love to me all night long. Tomorrow morning, I’ll wake up in your arms and we’ll usher in the new year with a glass of champagne and “Breakfast at Tiffany’s,” Kai gushed.

“I don’t know what to say,” turning the movies over and scanning the titles. “Hitchcock, Capra, Bogey, Grace Kelly, Carey Grant, Ingrid Bergman, Clark Gable, Claudette Colbert, and my favorite Audrey Hepburn for breakfast,  you’ve thought of everything,” Conor beamed.

“Not quite everything – yet. Remember the note said there were three surprises? Well, before you get caught up in Hollywood bliss…”

Kai reached around behind her, unzipped her dress, and it fell to the floor. She had the most seductive sexy smile, a huge red bow tied around her waist, and nothing else except a pair of high heels.

“Surprise #3, Me!”

 

Snowy Gaulish Picnic

January 18, 1978, Thursday, New Paltz, NY

The weather was so dreary Conor felt the need for something to help forget the overcast skies, even if it was only for a day. Checking the forecast, he noticed a Nor’easter snowstorm was expected in the coming week, and it so happened it was the same day as Kai’s birthday. Never one to let a great opportunity go to waste, with a strong expectation of a snow day from school, he told Kai to clear her day for them.

She wondered what he was up to, and knowing Conor, the night before Kai got out her snow boots and parka, figuring they were probably headed out into the cold on a hike somewhere. The next morning with school closed for the day, Conor called to say he was on his way over to her place. She asked if there was anything she needed to do or wear, and Conor said only a thirst for fun and a wild imagination would be needed.

Donk, donk, donk was the sound of knocking on the slider. Conor was holding a large shopping bag, and Kai noticed a cooler and a large basket with a lid sitting on the patio. She quickly ushered him in to keep the cold out of the room with a look of surprise.

Once Conor brought in his items and they settled in, out of the large shopping bag he pulled out two berets and placed one on her head and the other on his. Then he pulled out a long blue and white knitted scarf and gently wrapped it around her neck and shoulders.

“What are you up to Conor?”

Without answering, like a mime, he raised the index finger on his hand as if to say, “in due time.”

He then pulled out a pair of soft, plush flannel pajama bottoms that matched the scarf. He slowly undid the button on her jeans, slipped them off, and slid the PJ bottoms on over her panties. Then out came the matching pajama top, and he pulled off her sweater and buttoned it over her bra. They fit perfectly.

“They feel warm and cozy, I love them”

He opened the large basket, took out a red checked blanket, and unfurled it fully over the carpet on the floor of Kai’s room. Then held his hand out to her, like a footman helping a princess out of a carriage. Kai took it with a slight bow of her head, and Conor guided her onto the blanket, where he had also placed throw pillows from her bed.

“I’m sure you realize that I ordered up today’s snow day. I couldn’t think of a more ideal way to celebrate your birthday than with a picnic,” Conor announced, and Kai laughed with delight.

“You are aware picnics are a summer thing?” Kai asked pointing to the sleet bouncing off the slider glass.

Then added, “You know, cold fried chicken, potato salad, watermelon, frolicking in the grass with a game of tag?” Kai teased.

“An indoor picnic is way more fun than any old summer picnic. Besides, your birthday is in the heart of winter. You do remember the part about a wild imagination, right?” Conor smirked.

“You’re crazy. So, what’s with the berets?”

“I thought you’d never ask,” Conor asked.

He reached back into the basket and pulled out two plates, white cloth napkins, and a Tupperware container. In soothing tones, Conor continued.

“Close your eyes and imagine we’re like the couple in that picture,” Conor pointed to the large photo hanging at the head of her bed, and continued, “We’re on the rooftop overlooking Paris. Imagine you’re the girl in the picture, and it’s your birthday and we did some cooking together.”

Kai with her eyes closed, laughed and said, “Cooking, on the rooftop, in the snow?”

“Stay with me on the roof Kai, we’ll get a bigger scarf, it’s your birthday after all,” they both giggled.

Conor took off the container’s lid and plated the contents.

“Now, open your eyes.”

“Crepes Suzette? You’ve got to be kidding!” Kai cried.

“They might not taste like the crepes you get near the Mabillon metro station, but they should still be warm, I made them just before coming over,” Conor said.

Kai took a spoonful, tasted them, and swooned, “Wow, they are good!”

“Savor them, Kai, roll them over your tongue, conjure up images of Paris rooftops, the Bastille, the Eifel Tower,” Conor said dramatically, then deadpanned, “and give me a chance to open the birthday champagne.”

Conor reached into the cooler and pulled out two chilled wine glasses, and a bottle of Taittinger. He dramatically popped the cork and poured some into each glass.

“Conor, this is insane, it’s not even 9 AM,” downing the champagne in one large gulp.

“Now pour me some more!” she said with a giggle holding out her glass.

When they finished the crepes, Conor pulled a smaller container out of the cooler and placed a perfectly ripe strawberry on the rim of her champagne glass, and refilled it.

“The first night we hung out you said something about strawberries being your favorite fruit. They happen to go great with champagne,” Conor said.

“Man, nothing gets past you, huh?”

After they finished off the strawberries, Conor took a small flask out of the cooler. He filled each glass halfway with champagne and poured orange juice from the flask topping off the champagne.

“Oh my God, a mimosa! I had this for the first time at a Trocadero café with my mom last summer.” She cried.

“The day is early my lover of French things, now that I’ve liquored you up, how about one of their famous kisses?”

“I’m not buzzed enough to fall for that cliché trick, mon amis, try again if you want one of those!” Kai teased.

Conor held up his mimosa glass and motioned for her to do the same. He moved close and curled his glass around her arm and brought it to his lips, motioning her to do the same. They drained their glasses with arms and eyes locked on each other.

“Mieux?” Conor asked, setting their glasses aside.

“Yes, better, much better.” Kai cooed and embraced him for a long passionate French kiss.

Before they realized it, their clothes were off, and they were making love. Afterward, lying on the picnic blanket, they stared into each other’s eyes.

“I just love, love my birthday surprise, “ Kai cooed.

“I am thoroughly addicted to you Kai,” Conor replied.

Kai smiled sweetly and blinked her eyes slowly while staring at him, and her expression changed to one of concern. She placed her palm over his forehead as if checking for a fever.

“Perhaps you should consider a twelve-step program before it’s too late,” she deadpanned then giggled.

They laid back on the blanket staring up at the ceiling and fell into easy conversation about the future, and what they wanted out of life. She was going to be a scientist, and he’d make movies and write novels. She wanted three kids but wanted to travel the world first and explore everywhere. Conor said he’d be her guide anywhere she wanted to go.

Conor continued the French theme for brunch, with a baguette, brie, country pate, and baby cornichons. While they munched, Conor brought out the day’s games and entertainment. He stacked Jenga blocks into a tower, and they played hoping not to recreate the jumble of blocks they’d crawled over in the cave at Bonticou Crag. He also brought Scrabble which Kai won three games in a row as Conor claimed foul for all the scientific terms she used.

For a late lunch, he opened a bottle of red Bordeaux wine and served cold fried chicken, salad with vinaigrette, and watermelon. He apologized for not including the potato salad. When they finished lunch, Conor put a small ramekin of Chocolate Mousse in front of her with a single candle. He lit it, without singing, and wished her a Joyeux Anniversaire.

“This dessert is decadent and rich, and should be enjoyed in small tastes,” Conor said as he handed her a small spoon.

Kai being Kai, blew out the candle and loaded her spoon with as much mousse as she could. Before putting it in her mouth, she noticed she had uncovered something sparkling at the bottom of the dish. She ate what was on her spoon and used it to pry a beautiful polished purple stone out of the dessert.

Looking at Conor with total surprise, she got up and washed the stone off in the sink in her bathroom. She noticed the stone had a silver backing with a loop, and engraved in small letters was “Yours Always, CW.”

Kai walked back into her room, and Conor was holding an elegant chain in his hand that he threaded through the stone’s loop. He placed it around her neck.

Conor whispered in her ear, “Amethyst purple for my Aquarian Princess, Happiest of Birthdays, Kai.”

“It’s beautiful Conor. I’ll never take it off,” she said, and taking his head in her hands and looking up into his eyes said, “You make me feel extra special, even on my birthday. I love you so much.”

As it started to darken outside, they cuddled together under the covers of Kai’s bed in comfortable silence. They both were thinking about the coming year ahead and the changes that were sure to occur.

They were coming to the end of a time in their lives when decisions made for them by others would now be theirs to make. It was a time they shared before innocence was lost.

For months, except for saying goodnight and waking up in different beds, they spent every day together. Deep in thought, each reflecting on the other. Conor smiled remembering Kai as a monarch butterfly, jumping into his arms in front of the whole school after typing class, and a New Year’s Hollywood night of nights.

Kai thought about a sunrise on the mountain, apple picking with an echo, and stories from Arabian Nights, lifting her spirits in a dark moment. There were so many shared surprises and unique experiences. They knew the coming year would be different, and neither could imagine a life without the other.

Kai interrupted the silence.

“Conor, come to France with me?” Kai asked in a hushed voice.

He didn’t answer, cocked an eyebrow, and turned his head to look into her eyes.

“I don’t know when or for how long. I can’t see myself there without you,” she added.

“I was thinking about the coming year too. There are a lot of changes coming our way once we graduate. I don’t want the beautiful bubble we’ve created to pop.” Conor said.

“Hmmm. Well, maybe in Paris we could create a French bubble, no?”

“That would be encroyable! If we can swing it, I would love to go with you. For everything else we’ll figure it out.” he added.

“All right then, whatever comes, like Dumas musketeers, one for all and all for…” Kai paused for effect before quickly adding with a huge smile, “Meeeee!,”

 

February 8, 1979, Thursday, New Paltz

“Conor, I’m late.”

“Late for what, we’re on time,” Conor said to her as they walked into school.

Kai grabbed his hand and led him into the janitor’s closet off the hallway entrance and closed the door behind them. She had a worried look and Conor was totally confused why they were among the brooms and mop buckets.

“I’m never late, and it’s three days past.”

Conor finally caught up to her.

“It’s impossible Kai, you’re on the pill. I looked it up back in September, it’s 99.5% effective. Besides, it’s worked every month since, and we’ve had sex two to three times a day. It’ll be all right.”

Conor hugged her tightly as tears started to slide down her cheeks.

“Conor, I’m never late.”

“You’ve taken it every day, right? Give it another day and everything will be fine.”

“We’ve made love more than a hundred times. Conor, maybe we’ve reached the half percent!?” Kai hissed.

Conor could tell right away that Kai was freaked out, and it killed him to see her this way.

“Kai let’s go and buy a test at the drugstore. We can drive to Kingston where no one knows us. I’ll go into the store and buy it. You can stay in the car; it’ll be all right,” Conor calmly suggested.

“I’m scared,” Kai said as a new wave of tears cascaded down her face.

“I may have forgotten to take the pill once or twice, but like the instructions said, I always took an extra one when I did forget the very next day,” she admitted.

Conor stood in front of her with a hand on each shoulder, hunched down to her height, and looked straight into her eyes.

“Kai Adams, stop worrying about what you did or didn’t do, there’s no one to blame. We’re in this together as always.”

He reached up and wiped away her tears. “Now let’s get out of this closet and find out. I’ll tell the office that you’re not feeling well and I’m taking you home. We’ll drive to Kingston, get a test, and find out. O.K.?”

Kai nodded her head, took a deep breath, and they walked out.

∞

“Oh my God, what are we going to do?” Kai asked as she showed Conor the positive indicator. “I can’t believe this is happening.”

Conor stopped pacing in front of her bed, let out a long slow breath, and stared at his feet.

“Nothing has to be done this minute, or even today,” Conor said with as much confidence as he could muster. “We need to let the shock wear off, and then figure out what to do. Right?”

Kai didn’t respond and she wrapped her arms around Conor’s waist. Tears were streaming down her face and dripping onto Conor’s shirt. She wasn’t sobbing, though she did look like her world was about to end.

“Look, we’re strong enough to deal with this Kai. You may have it growing inside of you, but it wouldn’t be growing if it weren’t for me. You are not alone. We did this together and we’ll face this together, you and me. Do you understand?” Conor asked.

Kai nodded and rested her head on Conor’s shoulder.

“Don’t tell anyone, for now,” Kai whispered in his ear.

It was late in the afternoon and getting dark. Conor needed some alone time to think things through. He told Kai that he would be at his house and if she wanted him to come back, talk, or anything to call him. Either way, he said he would call her later or stop by, and if she didn’t want to be alone, he’d take her to his house for the night.

∞

Conor glanced over at the alarm clock on his bedside table, it was well after midnight. He got up and went into the bathroom to splash cold water on his face. As he walked back to his room, a door opened a crack, and his mom poked her head out into the hall. After seeing her son with an air of permanent bliss for several months, the worried look she saw was striking. She reached out with a look of concern and saw his eyes brimming with water. She squeezed his arm and nodded toward the kitchen.

Knowing he needed time to collect his thoughts, she didn’t ask him anything while she made them each a cup of herbal tea. They sat at the kitchen table, each with one arm stretched out to the other holding hands, and quietly sipped from their cups.

His mother had fallen in love with his dad when she was Conor’s age. They wanted to get married right away, unfortunately, she was Irish Protestant, and he was Irish Catholic. Conor’s grandparents refused to allow her to marry what they considered a lowly, poor Catholic boy. In the late 1940s, religion mattered greatly, especially for those of Irish heritage.

Their love was very deep, and they decided to elope against her parent’s wishes. For the next ten years, Conor’s grandparents refused to allow her dad in their house and had nothing to do with any of them. It was beyond painful, eventually five grandkids later, they slowly acquiesced. Having lived through that difficult challenge as a young woman, his mom fully grasped how difficult it could be for a young couple, and she knew what Kai and Conor meant to each other.

“It’s difficult to know where to begin, and it’s something we haven’t really talked much about,” Conor said.

“As difficult as it might be, there’s a good chance that it’s something I’m not wholly unfamiliar with,” she replied.

“I doubt it,” Conor said.

Shifting gears, he asked, “When you and dad fell for each other, what was it like? Once you knew he was the one, what did it feel like?”

She took a sip of tea and thought about what her youngest was asking. By the time Conor was old enough to notice such things, her relationship with his dad had greatly matured. Her husband was her soulmate, still, showing how they felt about each other after almost thirty years wasn’t that obvious.

“I’ve told you how we met at a summer camp. I was your age and worked as a kitchen helper. Dad had graduated from college and was in charge of camp athletics. We fell for each other right away, and like you and Kai, he was my first, and as it turned out, only love. It was magical Conor. I had never felt that way about anyone, and it felt like I was floating on a cloud that whole summer. I’m quite sure he was too.”

“How did you know, how did you show it to each other?”

“Conor, people were less forward in those days. I could tell by how he moved and how he looked into my eyes that he loved me. We smooched behind the dining hall a few times and eventually told each other how we felt. It was wonderful.”

“It sounds like it,” Conor said. He was having a hard time getting to the point, “Things were different then.”

“God yes, there was no Summer of Love, no women’s lib, no burning bras back then. Most women didn’t work, they took care of the family. When I earned my master’s degree, I was the only woman in my class,” she recalled.

“With Kai, it feels the same way you did, like floating and nothing else seems to matter.”

“Yet, something seems to have happened?” his mom implied.

“Mom, all those things you mentioned have happened, and sex is something that happens all the time. It’s beyond normal. In school, if you’re active socially, you’ve probably had sex with someone, even though I never had when I met Kai.”

“As a high school librarian Conor, I’m pretty aware,” she said.

“The thing is, both Kai and I weren’t like that. It’s difficult to share this with you,” Conor said with a face red with shame.

His mom squeezed his hand and with a small caring smile, conveyed her understanding. Conor took a deep breath and exhaled slowly.

“With Kai, she and I, uh, sex is not sex, it’s making love. I wouldn’t do it otherwise, and she was the first and only one. It’s how we show how deeply we feel, and the way we feel is beyond intense. It’s hard to describe to you, we love each other so much that we’d make love all day if we could,” Conor admitted.

Knowing about teen sex in her high school was one thing, yet hearing her youngest describe his own sexual experiences was something else. Her heart was beating fast, and she felt embarrassed to be talking about it. She had a feeling where this was headed, and for him to be sharing this, knew he needed a caring mom, not a “how could you” mom. That might come later, not right now. She swallowed the obvious questions, and gave a sincere concerned look, letting the silence fill the space.

“The reason you haven’t seen much of me lately is that at Kai’s house, her father gave her what amounts to an apartment in the basement. It has its own bathroom and a door to the backyard. He treats her as a tenant who pays no rent. She can have any visitor she wants and can come and go as she pleases. He barely talks to her. I’ve only met him once.”

His mom got up and poured more hot water into each of their cups. She sat down, dunked her used tea bag in the hot water, and looked at Conor to continue.

“Mom, I know we’re only in high school, yet for the last six months we’ve been living like we’re adults. We talk about life, we read to each other, do homework, and share how we feel about all sorts of things. We both have said how we feel is like a lifetime type of love. She’s my best friend and soul mate. It’s like we were meant to find each other somehow.”

“O.K., then why are we having tea at one in the morning?”

Conor looked away, blinking back the water rimming his eyes again. He knew by sharing with his mom he had to face things head-on. It scared him to no end.

“From the very first time we decided to have sex, Kai had birth control pills. We researched and found that there was a half percent chance of a pregnancy and felt confident we were covered. We were wrong. Kai is pregnant.”

His mom swallowed hard. The way he conveyed the story, she sensed this is where it would end, and still held out hope it was something else. Having had five children, she was uniquely qualified to discuss this, but the world had changed. Back when she was in high school, there was no decision to be made. You had the baby or found a back-room procedure, usually conducted by a midwife or worse. Few doctors would risk their license on something that taboo.

It had only been five years since the Supreme Court decision making abortion legal in the first three months of pregnancy. Although it gave women the right to decide what was right for their bodies, it morally still struck a very raw nerve. Most women, 15% more than men, believe that life begins at conception. Catholics, like her and Conor, had been taught by the Church that abortion is murdering unborn children.

Still, in the most recent 1979 Harris Poll, 60% of Americans were pro-choice, and 80% think abortion is fine in case of rape, the mother’s health, or baby defects. Before the national law, most states had strict abortion laws on their books, and today it’s legal throughout the land.

It was difficult for Kai and Conor to consider any of it, as they loved each other unconditionally. This made any thought of a pregnancy that came from their lovemaking, sacrosanct. Or at least something that couldn’t be dissolved easily.

She reached over and held Conor’s hand and thought about what to say.

“What are we going to do mom?”

“Well, whatever you do, it’s best to discuss it together. Lay out the practical and the moral issues side by side and decide what is most important,” his mom said.

“What are they?”

“Conor, you know what they are, you tell me,” she said.

He took a deep breath as he thought about what she asked.

“All right, practically speaking, both Kai and I are only starting out. A baby would drastically change what that will look like. Most people our age aren’t having kids, and raising a child will end a social life,” Conor said.

“Not sure that’s where I’d start, still you’re probably right.”

“Of course, sorry, college and careers come first, they’d be affected and that’s way more important, especially for Kai. Even if they allow women with babies in the dorms, it would be tough.”

“I think you’re missing one of the biggest practical issues, and having done it five times, it’s one not to overlook,” his mom said.

“Yeah, duh. Kai would have to physically have the baby, and nine months from now would be sometime in, let’s see, July, August, September. Right, she’d have it in September, meaning that she’d miss the fall semester. Hell, she’d probably miss the spring too. This would set her back a full year,” Conor figured.

“Conor, do you think you’d start school in the fall with all this happening?”

“Wow, I didn’t think of that.”

“And what about you two? Would you have your child start their life without being their father?” his mom asked.

“What do you mean? I’d be the father.”

“Not officially unless you and Kai –“

“- were married!” Conor interrupted. “Oh my God, how did I overlook that? This is getting overwhelming.”

“Well, if that was the path taken, you can be sure your father and I will be there every step of the way. You and Kai will not be alone,” his mom assured him. “There may be other areas to consider. How about the moral issues?”

Conor looked into his mom’s eyes and sat quietly thinking about her question. It was a very solemn moment between them.

“This is a bit clearer, and there really is only one. The agony of deciding to end one life before it’s started. Unless there are complications, what Kai and I have begun inside of her will grow into a living person. Is it right to squash that possibility?” Conor agonized.

“I think you’ve laid it out pretty well. I would add that some people say a fertilized egg has no idea it is being aborted since at that early stage it hasn’t developed enough to know,” Conor’s mom said.

“Yes, I hear that, though I wonder if that’s merely an excuse.”

“I’m not advocating anything Conor, I only want to be sure you have all the cards on the table,” his mom added. “Beyond abortion, Kai could deliver the baby and put it up for adoption. Although I doubt it would work in our family, sometimes an older married sibling can step in to raise the baby. These are your options”

“This is going to get very sticky isn’t it?”

“What’s getting sticky, and what are you two doing up after one in the morning?” Conor’s dad asked as he walked in the kitchen.

What Conor didn’t know was that his parents both woke up when he splashed water on his face. Having raised five kids, his dad knew that if there was something to get off your chest, his wife was the one to go. His dad had heard them talking. It wasn’t loud enough for him to hear what it was about. He knew his wife would let him know soon enough.

Both Conor and his mom looked over at dad, and neither said a thing.

“Whatever it is, it will still be sticky in the morning, and a better-rested mind will be able to tackle it. Off to bed with you two,” Conor’s dad told them and then ushered them back toward the bedrooms.

 

February 8, 1979, Thursday, New Paltz

Earlier that night, Kai had cried her eyes out with the news, mostly because she was on her own. Conor had called to check on her, and he was sweet about it, still, he didn’t have a baby growing inside of him. This was one night when she missed her mom more than any other. She wished she could call her, but it was too late in Paris and Kai only had her work phone number.

She called her friend Kiki on the party line, and after a few pleasantries, Kai broke out in tears.

“I’m pregnant Kiki, and I’m scared,” Kai cried.

“What, no way! How could that be, you’re on the pill?”

“It’s not a hundred percent effective even though it says that on the package. I guess we’ve done it too many times and the odds caught up with us,” Kai replied.

“That doesn’t sound right somehow.”

“It’s also possible that I forgot to take it once or twice,” Kai admitted.

“It doesn’t matter how, I assume you took a pregnancy test, you’re sure?”

“There’s no doubt Kiki, I’m pregnant”

“Have you told Kate?”

“I can’t face her right now; she’ll be all over me. She’ll blame Conor and want to shoot someone,” Kai said.

“Yeah, you’re right, you’ll need to let her know sooner than later,” Kiki advised. “What are you going to do? Have you thought about having it?” Kiki asked.

“That’s all I’ve thought about. Conor and I made love every day to show each other how intense our love was. A baby coming from that would be beyond special.”

“Do you think Conor would marry you?”

“It’s only been six months, but I know he would. Even if I weren’t pregnant, I think we’d marry at some point,” Kai said.

“Have you thought it all the way through? A baby at eighteen is going to be different. Most of us won’t even consider it for another five to ten years,” Kiki said.

“No doubt it’s not ideal, the tiny egg inside of me will be a little person in eight months Kiki, and it’ll be Conor’s too. I’ll have to deal with it.”

As the thought of having a baby so young sunk in, Kai began to cry into the phone.

“Kai, it’ll be O.K.”

“I can’t believe this has happened Kiki,” Kai cried out to her.

“Listen, you may not want to talk about it, but there is another way, and it’s totally legal. If you go in that direction, you can still have your life and still have Conor too,” Kiki offered.

This thought brought even more tears, and Kiki said nothing while Kai cried herself out.

∞

The next morning after calling to let Kai know he’d be over to see her soon, Conor called in sick to school. He sat on the sofa in the living room, and it brought up memories of their first night together. He thought about how far they’d come since then and how much she meant to him. If you were to ask him a week ago, considering parenthood was the farthest thing from his mind.

With all the news articles he read after the Supreme Court decision, he always sided with the notion that abortion was wrong. In one of those articles, it said that a fertilized egg would grow into a perfectly healthy person ninety-seven percent of the time. He kept thinking about how messed up it was for he or Kai to have to decide who should live or not.

No longer a theoretical, he was confronted with the personal reality of how a newborn would affect his and Kai’s life. The torture of deciding to end one life before it started, or immeasurably alter two lives starting out in adulthood was beyond compare – especially since he loved the mother so deeply. For Conor, it was agony to have to make that choice.

When he thought of Kai, he thought how selfish it would be for him to ask her to have the baby. Although he would be there every step of the way, it would still fall on her to have the kid grow inside of her. She’d have to deliver it, and then breastfeed the baby for months, and nurture them for years.

As much as he felt strongly on moral grounds that a person starts from conception, he understood the science where they don’t develop enough to survive until about five months. It was an incredibly hard situation. One decision he did make was an easy one. He and Kai would discuss it, and in the end, he’d leave it up to her. It was her body, and she would need to decide, and he’d support whatever she chose to do.

His mother took the day off too and sat down next to her son on the sofa.

“Kai must be beside herself without her mother here. Why don’t you ask her to come over for dinner tonight?” his mom asked.

∞

Kai was freaked out at the thought of speaking openly about her pregnancy with Conor’s parents. Yet here she was walking in their door. Conor assured her that they’d make no judgments and merely were there to listen and help.

Over Ziti with meatballs, Conor’s dad said, “ This is new ground for all of us, and no one has all the answers.”

“ Kai, we both think you’re a wonderful young woman with a big heart, and we’re glad that you and Conor care so deeply about each other,” his mom added.

His dad continued, “Keep in mind, that although you have a difficult decision to make, the sun will rise again tomorrow and those who love you most will be by your side.”

“We will support whatever path you choose in pretty much a divine way,” his mom added.

Kai was relieved and it seemed a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders. She held Conor’s hand under the table and gave him a squeeze to let him know she felt better. She asked his mom questions about when she had her first baby, and what it was like to be a new mother.

Conor’s parents glanced at each other with joyful eyes, when hearing Kai ask what it would be like to have the baby. They knew how difficult it would be since they were such a young couple, yet as idealistic baby boomer parents, neither liked the idea of abortion.

“Morally the choice to have a baby or not is a tough one. If this had happened 10 years ago, there wouldn’t be much of a choice for either of you, his dad said.

“That’s right, you’d have had the baby and more than likely gotten married. Certainly, your lives would have been quite different, maybe in a good or great way, yet still different,” his mom said.

Being able to listen and discuss it at all helped Kai enormously. She still hadn’t gotten through to her mom and had no one to talk to besides Conor and Kiki. Before they ended the discussion, Conor’s mom said something prosaic and profound.

“I will tell you one thing for certain. Whatever direction you take, ending the pregnancy will be just as difficult as starting a family while barely out of High School. Either decision will be something that neither of you will never forget.”

 

February 11, 1979, Sunday, New Paltz

“Kate, it’s Kai, I need to tell you something”

Kate had been best friends with Kai since they shared a biology class sophomore year. Kate possessed a tough exterior but had a big heart and cared deeply about the things that mattered most, her friends. She had a strong protective streak, and always looked out for Kai giving her someone to lean on when things didn't go s planned.

“Well, it’s about time, I thought you were mad at me or something, what’s up?”

“Gosh no, I could never be angry with you Kate, ever.”

“I know Kai, I’ll be there for you always.”

“Well, that’s why I’ve been a bit quiet the last few days. Something’s come up and I didn’t want to get you mad about it,” Kai said. “I’m pregnant.”

“What! I’ll freaking kill him. How could Conor do this to you? That testosterone-fueled animal. I will squash him like a bug. He’s a dead man,” Kate fumed.

“Kate, no. I love Conor. If anything, I’m to blame. My therapist thinks I’m a sex fiend and she’s not wrong, I initiate sex with him pretty much every time,” Kai said. “Please calm down.”

“Hmmm, maybe Kiki is rubbing off on you. Still, I’m sure he enjoys every bit of it, Kai, what guy wouldn’t? Just look at you! Still, you wouldn’t be in this fix if it weren’t for him.”

“Kate we’re in it together, besides, I’m not sure it’s as much of a fix as you think. I love him and I’ll love the baby we have as much or even more.”

“Now I know you’re insane. Kai, you’re still in high school, you have your whole life ahead of you. Having a baby now will derail your brilliant future. A single parent with a dead-beat dad is no way to start out in life,” Kate said. “I am totally going to skin him alive!”

“Kate stop. I’m serious about having the baby, and you couldn’t be more wrong about Conor. If we go forward and have it, of course, he’ll marry me,” Kai cried.

“O.K., O.K., I’m sorry Kai. At least it’s good to hear he’ll make an honest woman of you,” Kate said with less venom. “I hate to see you in this situation.”

“Look, no decisions have been made. I’m beginning to understand what’s at stake and having it or ending it with an abortion are both still up in the air,” Kai said.

“All right. Whatever you choose I’m on your side, always. What about your dad, you’re not going to tell him are you?” Kate asked.

“Haven’t put much thought to it, still…” Kai hesitated to finish

“You know what I think of that,” Kate said without needing to finish to get her point across.

∞

Kai eventually got a hold of her mom in Paris, and they had a long cry over the phone. It was a difficult position for her mom, being on the other side of the Atlantic. She offered to fly over, and Kai would have loved it but asked her to stay in Paris. With the nasty divorce, her presence might cause more trouble than help if her dad found out.

Her mom had Kai when she was not much older than Kai was now. Back in the early 1960s, it wasn’t unusual for a girl to get married and have kids right after high school. Sure, twenty years later things were a bit different, but still, marrying the right guy was the key. Her mom married the wrong guy, and without really knowing Conor, it was hard to offer any advice. If he were anything like Kai’s dad, she’d tell Kai to head to Planned Parenthood at once.

As it was, all she could do was remind Kai that she had options, that she herself didn’t have. It made sense to consider them fully. If Conor were the one, after college they could still get married and have a whole houseful of kids. Throughout their call, Kai told her mom several times how much she loved Conor. It was hard for Kai’s mom to really grasp what that meant, as she was more focused on wanting Kai to have the life she didn’t.

Kai listened and understood. What she didn’t tell her mom was having an abortion would be like tearing a part of Conor out of her.

Before ending the call, Kai again mentioned the idea of wanting Conor to join her on the next visit to Paris. She wanted her mom to meet him and be able to show her how amazing he was. Her mom not only agreed but told Kai she’d pay for their trip and suggested they come in the spring, instead of waiting for the summer.

∞

Although leaning in a certain direction, they both agreed to have one last long discussion about their situation and make a final decision. They met after school at Kai’s house. Being February, she placed extra quilts on the floor’s carpeting and arranged several throw pillows. When Conor arrived, he found her under the quilts waiting for him. He pulled them back to get under and found her completely naked.

She gave him a sexy smile and he dropped to the floor and kissed her for several minutes as she pulled his clothes off. After making love, she told him she wanted to show him that no matter what, she loved him like never before. Conor didn’t say anything in response, yet the look he gave told her he felt the same.

They talked for several hours reviewing everything they had heard from family and friends. As they shared their feelings, they began to realize they felt the same way. Ending something that they’d created together from their intense love for each other was impossible to do.

They knew in the future they could have other kids, yet how different would this little baby be from their future offspring? All of Conor’s siblings were different, they could be missing out on someone that could change history. Worse, what if something happened and they couldn’t have others? Everything seemed to lead to having the baby that they had already created and dealing with the future that came with it.

Before Conor left for the night, they agreed to not share their decision with anyone for a few days.

The last thing was sharing her predicament with her father. Kai went back and forth about whether to bring him up to speed on their situation. After their long discussion, they both concluded that being upfront about it was best. He’d find out soon enough as the months passed and telling him was the right thing to do.

Conor was concerned about what his reaction would be and wanted to be there in case he went off the deep end. Kai told him she could manage it, but if he was concerned, she had no problem with Conor being on the other side of the slider in the backyard.

∞

Kai saw her dad at the top of the stairs and asked him to come down to her bedroom.

“Dad, I need to share something with you,” Kai began.

Her father had his usual annoyed look when having to deal with his children.

“What is it you want now,” he snapped.

“As you know, I’ve been dating Conor Walsh for the last year. As you also know, he’s the best thing that’s happened to me, and I love him very much.”

“When are you going to realize that puppy love among children is only a phase?” he chided her.

Kai sighed and let out a deep breath before soldiering on.

“You know I turned eighteen last month. I’m viewed by the world as an adult. I can vote, join the army, buy alcohol, and care for someone more than loving a puppy,” Kai retorted.

“I’m also old enough now to decide who I will marry and have a family with, something you and mom decided not much older than I am now.”

“Are you telling me you will be marrying this little boy, is that it?” her dad snorted.

“Little boy? Really? That’s what you want to say to me?” Kai asked without wanting an answer.

“You can’t be serious? I thought you had a smarter head on your shoulders than that,” he said.

“I don’t know why I bother with you, but here goes. No, I’m not telling you I’m getting married, I’m telling you I’m pregnant,” Kai said.

Kai’s father was taken aback. It was not the direction he thought things were going. As he processed this new information, he got an even more indignant look on his face.

“Where is this boy?” he asked.

“He’s also eighteen and viewed as an adult in the eyes of the world, except for you. He’s right outside,” Kai replied.

Kai’s father opened the slider to her room and waved Conor inside. They both stood in front of her sofa. Kai with a noticeable look of defiance, and Conor with an unwavering serious face.

“I see you finally took advantage of my slutty daughter and got her knocked up haven’t you?” her dad said to Conor.

“And you, the town tramp bringing shame and disgrace to this family. Well, I won’t stand for it!” he said to Kai.

Kai’s eyes were getting redder by the second. She started rubbing the temples on her head with both hands and slowly blinked her eyes to clear them.

“Sir, you may want to –“ Conor started to say.

“Be quiet boy. I want you out of this house, and out of our lives. You are to never come here, meet or speak with anyone in my family ever again. And you young lady will be off to the abortion clinic first thing tomorrow to get rid of that bastard child,” He barked at them both.

When he was finished, Kai looked at him with pure hatred. She seemed to grow larger before their eyes, and moved one foot slightly in front of the other as if she were about to launch herself in his direction. She picked up a letter opener that was lying on her desk and looked back at her father.

“Listen, very, carefully,” Kai said to him with a slow smoldering cadence. “You have hurt me for the very, very last time. You are a small man who has bullied your way through life and whose bark has lost its bite. You took away my mother with your lies and deceptions, and you will not take away the one thing left in my life that I care most about.”

Her father recoiled and leaned back away from his daughter. Perspiration created a sheen on his forehead and a look of concern was obvious in his eyes.

“All I have to do is call the judge, begin sharing your real story, and you’ll be ruined,” Kai hissed.

“This is what will happen. I’ll decide what to do about my pregnancy, and you’ll have no say in the matter. I will stay in this house no more than the time needed to collect my things and find a new place to live. You will not speak to me, or Conor again, and you will stay out of this room until I’m gone.”

Kai seemed ten feet tall and pointed the letter opener toward her dad in a threatening manner.

“Is that understood?” she barked in a loud voice.

Without waiting for an answer, she turned to Conor and spoke to him with a soft comforting tone. Conor was stunned at how she completely switched her personality in the blink of an eye.

“I think for now, it’s best if you leave, I’ll reach out to you soon, I promise,” she cooed.

Kai gave Conor a small smile and squeezed his wrist to reassure him that she’d be all right. He hesitated and looked over at her father.

Conor turned and took a full step in Kai’s father’s direction, staring at him with a menacing look.

“If you hurt her, even a teeny bit, emotionally or otherwise, you’ll deal with me, and I assure you I won’t be using words,” Conor said.

He squeezed Kai’s upper arm and walked out through the slider.

Kai turned back toward her dad. He looked defeated and somewhat contrite. Kai merely pointed at the door of her room and raised her voice several decibels.

“Out!”

 

February 15, 1979, Thursday, New Paltz

Her reassurance to Conor that she’d be all right was a bit of false bravado. The confrontation with her father spooked Kai beyond measure. As she sat alone in her room, she couldn't stop herself from shaking and as the night wore on it became much worse. She began having a migraine-level headache that constant massaging of her temples and the back of her neck, along with copious amounts of aspirin couldn’t relieve.

Kai was rewinding her past and it dredged up all the childhood trauma that she tried to ignore. Every slight, every time he hit her mom, every tirade directed at her as a small child, all the ugly deceptions, the abuse, and suffering she grew up with went through her head in a disturbing film loop.

As she lay on her bed in agony, she realized she needed to be protected from these situations. The ugly drama with her father was caused by her pregnancy. Throughout the evening she thought of nothing else, and the more she thought of her predicament, the deeper she fell into a deeper and darker emotional abyss.

The phone rang a few times, but she couldn’t answer. The swirling feelings in her could not be lessened with words from Conor or anyone. Kai blacked out around midnight.

Early the next morning she woke in a total emotional fog. Somehow she was able to call Ashley and shared how helpless she felt. She asked Ash to take her, and a few hours later, Kai was no longer pregnant.

∞

After the abortion, Ashley brought Kai to her house and put her to bed to recuperate and rest. After a few hours of napping, Ashley heard a loud mournful wailing coming from her room, she rushed in and saw Kai was in a dreadful state. Her eyes were rimmed with red, her arms had scratches from her wrist to her elbow, and she had a distorted painful look on her face. There was blood on the pillows and sheets. Her t-shirt was also soaked from sweat and tears. She was devastated.

Ashley rushed over and wrapped her arms around her, and Kai just continued to moan and wail inconsolably. Ashley held her for the next hour, and finally, words came with the wailing.

“What have you d, d, done? Did you get an abortion? Did you kill my baby? Ohhhh, myyy God, I will burn in hell. How could you! I didn’t want this. Where is Michael? My dad should be in jail for what he’s done. Dad is a torturer! I didn’t want this. Why did you do this? My baby is gone, my baby is gone, noooo, noooo, noooo!”

These words of anguish were repeated over and over for the next few hours, and the remorse was so painful that Ashley cried right along with her. It seemed to Ashley that Kai was unaware she had gone to the clinic, and she was blaming someone else for ending her pregnancy. Ash thought of calling Conor, but she felt Kai was too raw emotionally to see anyone, even him.

By late afternoon, Kai finally collapsed into a tormented sleep. She tossed and turned and was out cold from exhaustion.

Toward the end of the day, Ashley’s mom came home from work, and Ash shared the whole story with her. She had previously told her mom what Kai’s dad was really like, and how it seemed she had an abortion she clearly didn’t want.

Ashley’s mom knew about the Adams divorce and how Kai’s dad had bullied his soon to be ex-wife and told stories that couldn’t possibly be true.

From what Ashley had told her about Kai’s wailing, it seemed that somehow her father had played a part in her misery. She knew it was meddling, but felt it was necessary and moved quickly to get Kai out of the abusive situation. She checked on Kai and saw that she was totally out of it. She called her husband and asked him to come home right away to sit with Kai in case she woke up.

While Kai slept, Ashley and her mom went to clean out Kai’s room. Her father stayed away and didn’t bother to ask what they were doing. They stripped everything and brought all her clothes, wall art, books, and anything not nailed down to their in-law apartment over the garage. They had built it years ago for Ashley’s grandmother, and it had been unused since she passed away.

Kai woke up with a cold compress on her forehead, and Ashley and her mom sitting on the bed each holding one of her hands. Kai was unaware of where she was, and it took her a minute to realize who was with her.

Once acclimated to her surroundings, she had a total shift in her demeanor from the edge of sanity to a peaceful almost angelic persona.

With her head resting on a pillow, Kai looked up at Ashley and calmly said in a soft voice, “I will be all right. I can’t thank you enough for being there for me, you are amazing. I don’t know what I’d have done without you.”

Kai looked over to Ashley’s mom and smiled. After her emotional breakdown earlier in the day, it was spooky how she was so serene and tranquil in her movements and speech. It was as if she was transformed into a different person who was now resolved to their fate with nothing left to be done.

“I’m so sorry I’ve been such a burden. Thank you for putting up with me. If I can borrow some clothes I’ll get dressed and get out of your hair,” Kai said to Ashley’s mom.

“It’s all right Kai, you don’t have to go anywhere,” Ashley said, and she looked over at her mom for reassurance.

“That’s right, we’re going to take care of you from now on. You will not have to confront anyone anymore. You’re safe now,” Ash’s mom said.

There was a long pause as Kai looked up at the ceiling, like someone who was looking over the horizon at something they couldn’t quite grasp. She slowly looked back at Ash’s mom.

“I’m safe?” Kai asked, as a single large teardrop poured out her eye and rolled down her cheek, splashing on the pillow.

“Yes, while you slept we stripped your room in your father’s girlfriend’s house of everything. We brought it all here and all your clothes and belongings are in our in-law's apartment over the garage,” Ashley’s mom said.

“When you feel better, in the next few days we can get you all set up. We even brought all your pictures and those cool fans off the walls, everything,” Ashley said.

Kai closed her eyes for several seconds, and her eyelids trembled as if they were half blinking. She then rubbed her temples and slowly opened them.

“I don’t know what to say,” Kai said.

“Well, before you get concerned about anything else, I want you to know that ever since your mom got railroaded out of town, I’ve felt so badly for you. You and Ashley have been like sisters since the first grade, and I want you to think of us as family.”

Ashley’s mom reached over and brushed Kai’s hair, and gently rubbed the back of her fingers across her cheek. The look Kai returned was one of intense relief that she wasn’t alone.

“As for the apartment, you and Ash will have some cleaning to do. It’s been collecting dust for the last few years, but the apartment is yours. You can stay there as long as you like, as a place to come home from college, to live when college is over, and forever thereafter if you want. I will hear nothing about paying rent, you are family Kai,” Ash’s mom said.

Overwhelmed with emotion, Kai reached out to both Ashley’s mom and Ash in a three-way hug while new joyful tears streamed down her cheeks, and thanked them between sobs for their kindness and generosity.

“Also, I want to be perfectly clear about you and Conor Walsh. He is an amazing guy. You two are so wonderful together, and I want you to know that he’s always welcome here. It’s your apartment and no one is going to watch who comes, who stays, or who goes. You decide,” Ashley’s mom added.

Kai loved how welcoming and supportive they were. After struggling on her own with no family to speak of, with an uncaring father and a mother unable to see her, she felt a warmth inside that she hadn’t sensed in years.

∞

The inner warmth she felt from Ashley’s family was accompanied by a hollowness that would probably never heal. She dreaded what still had to be done. Letting Conor know what she had done would be one of the most difficult things she would ever do.

Just after supper, Ashley called Conor to come over to her house. She explained that Kai was there and needed to see him. Ash didn’t say why she was there, but without saying, he knew something had happened.

Since leaving her house after the confrontation with her father, he had tried to call her several times throughout the day, but Kai hadn’t called back. He knew that if her father had harmed her in some way, she would have called him. He felt that her silence was just her wanting to have some alone time to accept the future they had both mapped out the day before, so he wasn’t too worried. When the next thing he heard was from her best friend, he was worried as it wasn't a good sign.

Conor was beyond anxious and nervous as Ash led him to the guest room where Kai was staying. When he saw her lying on the bed, totally looking weak and disheveled, he rushed over to her. He was so worried, and he reached for her hand and saw all the scratches on both her arms. He frantically searched her face and her head for other bruises.

“I swear to God I will kill him,” Conor said, thinking that her father had abused her and wrapped his arms around her.

Tears started streaking down Kai’s cheeks.

“Conor, he didn’t do anything to me, at least not physically.”

They held each other for a moment and then he leaned back and looked at her with a concerned look, urging Kai to tell him what had happened.

“Do you know how deeply I love you? Forever and ever. Do you?” Kai pleaded.

“Yes, to the furthest star and back and always,” Conor said quietly as his eyes brimmed with tears.

“I got up this morning and didn’t know who I was, but I was in such a fugue state. I was able to call Ash and she came over. The way my father said those ugly things dredged up horrible memories Conor, awful things that took me to a dark place I haven’t been in years. The next thing I knew I was here in this room with terrible pains inside.”

“What happened, are you all right?”

“I realized that I had an abortion and killed our baby Conor. I know it’s unforgivable, there’s no saying sorry, ever. I blocked it all out, in a fog. I was like in the passenger seat of a car and not able to steer or reach the brake pedal, and then got thrown in the trunk into total blackness. The next thing I knew I woke here with bloody sheets and realized what happened. I killed our baby and there’s nothing I can say…”

Kai started sobbing loudly and couldn’t catch her breath. She began hyperventilating, her whole body trembled for several minutes. She wasn’t getting enough oxygen and her eyes rolled to the top of her head with only the whites showing. She started to shudder and jolt violently gasping for air.

Conor was freaked out.

He shook her, slapping her cheeks several times, and calling her name forcefully over and over to get her attention. After several tense moments, she began catching her breath and calming down as Conor kept telling her he wasn’t going anywhere, he loved her, and she would be all right.

Her eyes rolled back in place, quickly blinking several times. As she slowly regained her breathing, her blinking slowed too. She blinked twice very slowly and then opened her eyes, looked up at him, and then lowered her head to her chest.

“Thank you, I thought I was going under there,” she said quietly, and then wrapped her arms around her middle, leaned her head on his shoulder, and cried softly.

With things calmer, the news sunk in, and Conor was in shock. When they had discussed keeping the baby, he was so happy they weren’t ending a life, a life he and Kai had created. Now in a flash, that was all gone, something had changed, and he felt emotionally whiplashed.

As she cried on his shoulder, he knew something powerful must have clicked in her to go through with it without him. He may never know what it was.

After seeing her a hair breath away from calling an ambulance, he wasn’t about to ask her to clarify things. It left an emptiness deep inside, and thinking about their unborn child, Conor let loose his emotions and tears.

They held each other for the longest time, there was nothing said. She secretly begged for forgiveness, and he didn’t think there was anything to forgive. Looking into Conor’s eyes and seeing his heart-wrenching tears was something Kai would never forget.

After they had cried themselves out. Conor whispered into Kai’s ear that he loved her, and they’d get over the sadness. He told her that it was their incredible love story that brought them to this point, and they’d get through it together.

They both leaned their backs against the headboard of the bed and stared out into space, not registering anything, just caught up in their thoughts. They sat there quietly side by side for more than an hour, saying nothing.

Kai broke the spell by reaching her pinky finger and running it over the balled fist of his hand. After a few minutes, Conor opened his hand and their small fingers embraced. Nothing more.

 

February 16, 1979, Friday, New Paltz

The next day, Ashley and Kai got busy dusting and setting up the apartment over the garage. It was larger than expected with a full kitchen and bathroom. The space was fully furnished with a TV, phone, sofa, coffee table, and easy chairs. In the bedroom, there was a queen-sized bed, a dresser, and plenty of closet space. Instead of her basement bedroom, this was a real apartment, and it was three times larger than what Kai had left behind.

All the furnishings were kind of old-fashioned, something a grandmother would choose. They were able to decorate with the items from Kai’s house. When they were finished it looked much different and had a European feel masking over the stodginess.

After school, Conor came over to see the new digs. Kai made sure that Ashley was there to avoid any potential awkwardness. To keep things light, she suggested they watch General Hospital on TV. The Luke and Laura romance was going full steam and like most in their class, the two girls were fully caught up in the drama. Conor had heard kids talking about the show but wasn’t keen on watching soap operas. Still, he settled in and all three munched on Cheetos and watched the hour-long drama where nothing much happened. It was a perfect escape.

When it was almost over, Ashley remembered that she promised to clean her room before her mom came home from work and she took off.

“Swell place you have here, it’s amazing what Ashley’s family have done,” Conor said.

“It is,” Kai warily replied.

“You’re like totally on your own, your own house,” Conor added.

“Yeah,” Kai said as she nonchalantly shook her head and her eyes roamed around the apartment.

“How often do you need to check in with Ashley’s parents?”

“Never.”

Conor looked away from Kai and stared down at his feet. He was certain there was definitely something he did or didn’t do that was bothering Kai. They had never been this way and he was flummoxed as to what to do about it.

Kai glanced over at Conor as he stared at the floor. She looked away and let out a nervous breath. She was sure he was upset with her about the abortion. They’d never had any friction between them before. She didn’t know what to say or what to do to make it better.

At the same time, they looked each other in the eye, and both with mirrored thoughts they blurted out simultaneously.

“I’m so sorry.”

“It’s all my fault.”

“No, really it’s…”

“Me!”

They stopped talking and smiled at each other.

“Conor, can we move past things? I know it’s hard for you to forgive –“

“Stop right there,” Conor interrupted. “I want nothing more than to move forward. This rift or whatever it is that’s between us has me tied up in knots.”

Relieved, Kai reached out to his hand and her fingers immediately intertwined with his. The smile she flashed him was devastatingly beautiful, and they looked into each other’s eyes seeking to rekindle their feelings.

“Ashley’s mom told me that this place is mine rent-free for as long as I want to live here. Even through all of college, if I go out of town, I’ll have a home to come back to. She told me that no one will tell me who I want to have over or for how long, and she specifically said you were welcome. She likes you a lot,” Kai shared.

“They are a family of angels, how incredible,” Conor said.

“The thing is, I may be an eighteen-year-old adult and all, but I’ve never lived alone before. Being by myself is a bit daunting,” Kai admitted.

“Yeah, I understand. I’ll be around a lot,” Conor said.

“Do you remember we talked about waking up together every day and changing the rules?” Kai asked.

“Hmm, now that you mention it.”

“Well, the rules have certainly changed Conor. Don’t you think?” Kai asked further.

“It seems so.”

“What do you think? We’re both eighteen, do you want to move in with me?”

“It’s funny when I first brought it up months ago, I never thought it was possible, at least until we were out of high school,” Conor mused.

Kai stared at him with the wonder of possibility in her eyes waiting for an answer with total anticipation.

“I doubt it’s something mom and dad want to consider. If I give them no option except to go along, it might work, but,” Conor said as if talking out loud to himself with a coy sideways glance in Kai's direction.

“Conor?”

“As Mick Jagger says, wild horses couldn’t drag me away Kai Adams. Of course, I want to move in with you!” Conor finally said breaking into a wide grin.

Kai got up and wrapped her arms around her man and held him for a full minute. Then she whispered into his ear.

“I love you so much and can’t thank you enough for being here for me,” she paused for a beat and lowered her voice an octave, and said, “You get half a drawer, 6 inches of closet space, and nothing more!”

∞

Conor told his parents the news about the pregnancy and the abusive part Kai’s father played in the decision. He shared how Ashley’s family had taken her in and given her their apartment over their garage for Kai to live in. He hoped they understood that he would be staying with Kai for the time being. She couldn’t be left alone. Both were saddened by the news and horrified by Kai’s father.

Although it was totally against their sensibilities to have their youngest living with a woman while still in high school, they decided to leave it up to Conor. He was eighteen and had acted maturely through the entire pregnancy drama. They weren’t about to say no to him at this point. His mom told him as a condition for their approval that both he and Kai had to have dinner at their house at least three times a week or more.

On the way out the door, his father slipped him a small bottle of Rolaids with a wink and a small laugh.

∞

About an hour later the door opened and Conor walked through it. Kai ran over to him and jumped into his arms, wrapping her legs around his waist, and kissed him several times all over his face. It was the first time she’d shown him any outright affection in a week and Conor was bowled over.

“If this is the greeting I get every time I come through the door, I’ll make it a habit to leave and come back every hour!” Conor said amused.

“You are the best boyfriend in the whole world, Conor Walsh,” Kai exclaimed

Still carrying her he walked into the bedroom and together they fell onto the bed in a heap. Not wanting to press things any further, they both lay there smiling and staring into each other’s eyes.